Yesterday Luke climbed up onto the coffee table as he so often does, and I even more often tell him not to, and before I could lift him off, Hannah playfully/menacingly pushed him off. He was fine. I was not. Tim told me he had never seen me so angry. He said even at my most angry, he’d never seen my face turn so red so fast and seen such rage in my eyes. Hannah knew she had crossed the line. She didn’t even wait for my furious words to leave my mouth, she was up the stairs and behind her closed door before I had even chosen what words they’d be.
Be careful. They are words I say on average 100 times each day.
“Be careful.” “Be careful with that.” “Be careful with him.” “Are you being careful.” “CAREFUL!” If only I had a button I could push to say the words instead of wasting my breath. Because honestly, the words hold no meaning. If I’m saying them it’s usually too late. Someone has already fallen, tripped or been shoved off of a coffee table.
Where is the happy part of this post you’re wondering (because as you recall I promised to list the top things that make me happy as part of receiving my Happy 101 award)? Here it comes…
Normally, after Hannah does something to upset Luke, her apology to him is heartwarming. She doesn’t care quite so much when I’M upset with her but if Luke is sad because of something she did, she’ll pull out all the stops to make him happy again. I’m pretty certain that Luke didn’t even realize what had gone down as he was flung from the coffee table, and I’m even more certain he doesn’t hold a grudge, but when he heard her wailing from her room, feeling awful for what she had done, he pointed in the direction of her room and pitifully said, ” Ha Hah” (Hannah in Luke-speak). He was aware of her sadness and she cried for his. And this bond, this sibling attachment, makes me happy.
I went up to her room to make sure she was ok and understood why I had gotten so angry. She snotted all over sniffled on my shirt and said she just felt so bad. “I think that may have been the worst thing I’ve ever done mommy. I don’t know what came over me. I think I was a little out of control.” (Where does she COME UP with this stuff?). She apologized to me. I forgave her. End of story.
She asked me to leave her alone for a little bit so she could “work on something” for Luke. I retreated down the stairs to find Luke standing again on the coffee table. “TA DA!” he shouted as he raised his hands above his head, prideful that this time he had achieved his goal WITHOUT getting pushed to the ground. (The “don’t-let-the-kids-climb-on-the-furniture” rule wasn’t sticking with daddy around).
Twenty minutes later, Hannah joined us in the family room and gave Luke an apologetic hug. She held his cheeks in each hand and said, “You need to know I did not mean to push you off the table. Big sissy sometimes does things she shouldn’t.” And with that, she went off satisfied and I went off to put him to bed.
Tim and I went out last night for dinner. When we returned home and went up to bed, I found this:
Before Hannah went to bed last night, she put a note in a little envelope outside his room. It’s what she had worked on when I left her in her room after our talk. She wanted it there for him when he woke up in the morning. The picture inside the envelope was of a rainbow and Luke sitting under the rainbow. I asked her why she drew it and she said, “Because everyone is happy when they are under a rainbow mommy. So whenever Luke is sad, like if I shove him off a table again, he can look at this and think about sitting under a rainbow and his sad will go away.”
Words to live by in my book. If you’re sad, think about a rainbow. Because a rainbow comes out when the rain has stopped. And that means the Sad has gone away, only to be replaced with the Happy.
All I know, is that their love, their innocent, pure and simple love (even with the shoves thrown in there) makes ME happy.