Where I am

I’ve been missing this place.  Missing this quiet spot where I let my thoughts just Be.  Missing you.  Your responses and your friendship.

Somehow I’ve lost my groove.  As my kids are settling into their new routines and I’m left with a bit more time to myself, I seem to be choosing other ways to fill the voids.

I’m not filling the spaces in my days with Better things though.  Just different.  One of my new years resolutions in 2010 was to start consulting.  And with 3 months left in the year, I can check it off my list.  I’m finally putting my years of marketing experience to good use by helping some small businesses find their footing and creating some buzz around their name to help them survive.  It’s challenging.  It’s exciting.  It’s rewarding.  But it’s taking me away.  From here.

Because also, my resolution for the Jewish New Year (which gives me an extra chance to make some changes at the end of the calendar year), is to put my iPhone (ie: my lifeline to the outside world) AWAY when my kids are around.  I don’t want them watching me look at my phone for hours on end.  I don’t want them to feel I’m bored with their company or have better things to be doing when they’re around.  They deserve my attention.  They NEED my attention.  So I’ve promised to give it to them.

This work I’ve started doing is making me remember that I’m not good at doing things half assed.  When I agree to help a client, it means their world overtakes my thoughts.  I’m constantly thinking, creating, and obsessing.  For them.  I’m crazed now with watching their twitter numbers go up and frustrated when their FB friends seem to plateau.

So where I used to be fanatical about blogging every day, I’m now filling that void with work.  And yes, it’s satisfying.  Because it’s MY work.  But I’m also a little sad.  Because writing a blog post for them, is not the same as writing it for me.  And tweeting about a new legging/sweater set that came into the store, doesn’t satisfy me as much as telling you that I found Luke standing in the toilet.

So again, I find myself pulled.  Now not between my kids and my laptop but between two different passions.  Two passions that reward me differently.  But still reward me.  Can I do both?  Yes, yes, I am going to figure out how.  Because without you, my new and old friends out there that I wish I could spend time with in person every day, I’m sad.

So here’s to doing it all.  Even if my friendship might be a little half assed.  I’m still here.  Reading your words.  Smiling for your joys.  Sending hugs on the hard days. And I hope you’ll still come by.  Even if my posts are a bit shorter.  And there are more days between them.

xo

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “Where I am

  1. The familiar pull between two loves. So well stated, and something I entirely relate to. Because you are open to the answers, they will come. Xo

  2. I am feeling that pull myself. My need to work on my career, to explore my other selves, yes selves, and of course, to enjoy my family are sometimes in direct conflict with my ability to be here in the bloggy world. I have missed you, believe it or not, but am happy for you that you’re doing what you must, what you can and what you want to all at once.

    Hugs.

  3. Sister I hear you loud and clear. You know I do. Muah!!!

  4. I know this only too well, as you do too. Being pulled in so many directions, trying to make it all work. It’s SO SO hard. But you will, you’ll find your groove, and you figure out what works best for YOU and your family.

    And this is exciting!! Good for you. We’re here for you when you need us!
    xo

  5. I so hear you.

    As a favor to a friend (read: unpaid) I did some consulting work this week. It felt sooooo good to use that part of my brain, and utilize those skills and realize, yes, I really do still have it. I needed that little confidence boost before I could offer my skills for hire. I was consumed by the project and it felt SO good. But I had to put all this other stuff on the back burner.

    I NEED to put away the iPhone. Hopefully I can follow your lead.

  6. So glad you found another passion and another direction for your life. I hope you don’t stay away too long, we will miss your words.

  7. Half-assed seems to be how I do everything these days. I mean GEEZ, the teachers are sending me crazy notes about all of the THINGS that I need to help my children with at the end of their school days, in addition to getting them to and from various lessons in appropriate attire and with appropriate instrument/music/shoes/skates/etc. If one adds it all up they would find the expectation of me to keep my children’s homework/reading/practicing caught up is almost three hours every evening. And seriously? I need to cook and do laundry occasionally too. And um, the bathroom is gross. My point? We’re still here, still reading even if you can’t post everyday, we will still admire you when you do. Because we all know about the pulls of life in all directions.

  8. Yes, here’s to doing it all. Somehow. One day at a time, one nap at a time, one school day at a time. Whatever you do, keep writing.

  9. Becca, we will be here, because are also finding ways to do all the things that bring us happiness, in balance.

    So happy you are doing well with your consulting…I will be here reading and cheering you on!

  10. I know what it’s like to be pulled in different directions. With both a blog and a website, plus work during the day, it’s tough. But I want to say thank you for the reminder about the iPhone: I need to put it away when the kids are home too. And when my husband is home. And when we visit family…etc. In an increasingly rude society, I’m trying to teach my kids manners, and part of that is modeling how to pay attention to someone when they’re talking. To do that consistently, the phone’s gotta go…temporarily, of course. 😉

  11. You are going a new direction and will need this place in a new way. That is how things work–they change. I’m so happy for you with your new direction. : )

  12. I think one of the true challenges of motherhood is letting ourselves continue to pursue the things that interested us pre-family. And a true challenge of blogging is to continue to pursue things in the real world even as the online world calls out to us. I’m glad for you that you’re doing both. Enjoy it! And we’ll be here to read when you’re able to write.

  13. I always look forward to reading your posts, so no matter how few and far between, I’ll still be reading! Congrats on your new work and on your decision to put the iPhone away around your kids. I think that is a GREAT (and sometimes very difficult) move! Good luck with everything!

  14. LZ

    This seems to be the theme for a lot of us lately. I’m so happy you’re enjoying the consulting gigs…I’m excited for the day that I start using my brain again, and you’re inspiring me to make it happen now, on my terms.
    I can’t agree more about the phone. I’ve been fooling myself into believing that if I’m not sitting at my computer, I’m paying attention, and I’m not. They deserve better.
    Let’s all pledge to pay better attention to ourselves and our little ones, and make an effort to see and stay in touch with each other…miss you!

  15. No apologies or disclaimers necessary. I opened my reader this week and had 500+ unread posts. I just closed it and went back to work. Sometimes doing it all is just too challenging and would require neglecting what needs our attention.

    If we all agreed to post less, I imagine reading and commenting would explode. Too bad that’s not how creativity works.

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