My Missing Tooth

I was in a wedding.  A bridesmaid I think.  Although I didn’t know the bride.  She was gorgeous, long flowing hair.  The type of gown you dream of having for a fairytale wedding.  The audience was faceless.  Rows upon rows of personalities, chatting, laughing, joyous personalities without faces.  I don’t recall what I was wearing, although I did take a tremendous amount of time getting ready.  Doing my hair.  Doing my makeup with various brushes that all seemed unfamiliar and awkward in my hands.  And when I went to take a final look in the mirror, my front tooth felt loose in my mouth.  And when I pushed it with my tongue, it fell painlessly and effortlessly into my hand.

I lost my front tooth. Minutes before walking down an aisle lined with hundreds of people.

I felt panicked. Horrified. Out of control with anxiety.  I rushed into the crowd waiting for the bride to serenely walk down the aisle and began desperately asking all of the elderly if they had any Dentucream to loan me so that I could stick my tooth back into the space.  Hannah was trailing behind me asking me over and over and over what Dentucream is and why I needed it and why my tooth fell out and why I looked so strange.  Everyone just stared at me as I pleaded with them for help, barely opening my mouth so that they wouldn’t see the gaping space.  No one understood me and no one cared to help because they didn’t know me.

And worst of all, I kept dropping my tooth that I held in my hand. It kept rolling onto the floor.  Under chairs.  Under people’s feet.  And every time I picked it up it was dirtier and more jagged looking that before.

I finally stuck it into my purse and tried covering my face with my hair and putting more and more lipstick on to detract from the obvious abnormality on my face. But nothing worked.  I was crying. Looking for someone to help me.  Tell me I looked fine. That it didn’t matter.

And then I woke up.

This was how I started my day today.  And I can’t shake it.  I keep feeling my front teeth with my tongue and making sure they are secure in their spots.  I keep wondering why I had this dream.  I used to have dreams about ALL of my teeth falling out one by one throughout a day but this is my first dream about ONE tooth falling out.  It seems as if it must be symbolic of something.

And then it just hit me.  BlogHer. This big conference where I will have met two people in person.  One I met since starting my blog, because of my blog and one I met years ago with NO connection to my blog (she just happened to work with my husband and now writes an amazing blog!).   And I think deep down, or subconsciously, I’m worried.  Worried that all of these “faceless” friends that I’ll be meeting will see something glaringly wrong with me in person even though we currently have these special relationships through our computer screens.

Does that make me sound super insecure?

I’m not really.  But I can’t help wondering what these first meetings will be like.  Have we already formed our first impressions through our words?  Through our thoughts?  Or will we be going through the first impression process all over again by how we act, how we talk, and how we look?  Will people be surprised to see that I use my hands a lot when I talk?  Will they notice and be turned off by the fact that I use a tremendous amount of sarcasm when I get nervous or when there’s an awkward silence?  Will they take my being quiet when I’m in these new situations as being rude or snobby?

I know I’ll be searching each room I enter for a familiar face.  And most likely, I wont’ find one.  You might be there, but I won’t know. I know I’ll be trying to disguise my insecurities with other characteristics that I’m more confident in.  I’ll be smiling at strangers, hoping for a smile in return.  I’ll laugh at jokes that aren’t so funny, to feel a part of the crowd. I’ll be awkward handing out my newly designed business cards wondering if the person even cares to take one.

But I’m hopeful.  Hopeful that all that’s led up to next weekend will NOT disappoint.  That I’ll find my place. That you will all live up to what I’ve created you to be in my mind.  And that I will live up to what you hope I am as well.

Because although I don’t really have a missing front tooth… I do have other faults that you may or may not see.  And I hope you’ll be ok with that.

To prepare you (on a lighter note) here are a list of what I hope you’ll oversee.  And love me for in the end.

– I have horribly ugly feet.  One of my feet has a bunion that is just the worst. Yet, I love cute shoes and sandals so I have a bit of a dilemma.  If my ugly foot shows through my shoes, you may see me covering that foot with my other foot, leaving me a bit off balance.  Makes for some swaying when I stand in one place.

– I have one of those voices that seems to stop as it comes out of my mouth making it hard to hear me.  So just lean closer.

– I get squeaky when I drink.  Which just makes the above point even worse.  So just lean even closer.

– I have a really bad back ,so sitting in one place for a prolonged period of time is super uncomfortable.  So I shift around a lot in my seat.  I don’t have to pee.  I don’t have hemorrhoids, my back is just angry with me.

– I have IBS which is aggravated when I get anxious and nervous.  So if in the middle of a conversation, I have to run to the bathroom, there you go. If you don’t know what IBS is, lucky you.

– I have very dry hands.  To the point that without even realizing it, I keep them balled in fists for fear that you’ll notice.  Not that you’re checking out the palms of my hands or that you’d even notice the dryness, but I just feel more comfortable that way.

– As I mentioned above, I’m at my most sarcastic when there’s an awkward silence.  So if I make an inappropriate comment, most likely it’s my off sense of humor and please excuse me.

– I’m a lightweight.  One drink, and I’m pretty much done. But I can hang out for a LONG time on that one drink and then I don’t get quite as squeaky so it’s better for everyone.

OK, I feel better now.

I can’t wait to meet so many of you… and if you won’t be at BlogHer, by the time I DO get to meet you, I’ll have all of my teeth and you’ll only see the good parts of me.

Does anyone have a REAL explanation or translation of my dream?  A missing tooth dream?  Do tell!

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32 Comments

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32 responses to “My Missing Tooth

  1. I can’t wait to see you!

    You know what is such a coincidence?

    EVERYONE AT BLOGHER IS MISSING TEETH.

    Every single person. I promise.

    It’s just some people like to wear diamond-studded copper grills to hide theirs (gold is too showy)

    I’m discrete like that. 😉

    • I’m sorry it took me a while to get back to you but I was out shopping for some sapphire studded grills. I’d like to stand out without being too showy. Because discrete is my middle name.

      Can’t wait to see you too!!

  2. Can’t wait to meet you. This story had me freaking out at first… I actually thought your lose tooth story was real… OMG. I would die. And would not have gone to the wedding! What a nightmare!

  3. I wish I was going, but alas, I found out too late. Such a charming post. Have fun at Blog Her! Make sure you smile and show all of your teeth :).

  4. Oh Becca. I so understand. All of this. Right down to the dream.

    I used to dream about losing teeth, or missing teeth all the time. My understanding is that it has to do with worries about your health, and also vulnerability. Looking at the rest of your post, that seems to make some sense for you – as it has for me, for many years.

    As for BlogHer and your assorted (legitimate!) concerns, I also understand. I had some possibilities of being able to attend, and very much wanted to. But there’s no way I can, health-wise. And I realized that about 2 months ago, an more or less confirmed that fact when I traveled for a weekend with my son in June, which was an absolute necessity.

    I get the IBS (that affects everything – people have no idea). I get the other worries, too. But I cannot imagine a more warm group of women, really. The people behind the shared words, the common experiences, the bonds made in this wonderful community.

    I only wish that I could be there, too. To meet these wonderful mothers, daughters, sisters, friends.

    So maybe you can dream your teeth back into your smile. Manage on crackers and the other tricks when you live with IBS. And know that you’re walking into good connections. And we’ll be waiting for your accounts of what it was like.

    • Thank you BLW! Worries about health huh? That definitely fits me to a tee! Surprised I don’t have this dream more often if that’s the case.

      People really don’t get the IBS thing… it is so inconvenient and disabling. I’m hoping to just take deep breaths and carry Pepto with me…. I’ll be fine!

      I wish you were going to be there. Oh to put a face to your words… would be wonderful. But I’ll keep you posted on what everyone is like in real life! Should be fascinating.
      thank you for this comment… I feel better already! xox

  5. I so relate to this! I have missing tooth/teeth dreams all the time when I am worried about something. It is a reoccurring thing for me that has been going on for a few years now. So strange. It always happens when I am worried or stressed, so I think your BlogHer connection is probably right on.

    • I figured it has something to do with being worried but I can’t always pinpoint what it is I’m worried about. This seems to be an easy one!

      Thank you for your comment – it’s great to know I’m not alone with this crazy dream!

  6. p.s. if you ever want to talk about back stuff. I’ve been to hell and back with sciatica.

    and I am better and finally know how what I need to do to stay that way.

    xo

    • Thanks Ann. I don’t think it’s sciatica, at least my doc and PT don’t think so but oh god Does It Hurt. Hopefully when my tennis season is over and I can REST a bit, it will feel better. Or maybe if I could stop CARRYING my I-need-to-run-everywhere son, that would help too.

  7. thenextmartha

    You know that I have six fake front teeth and when I saw this on twitter I thought “OMG, I haven’t even thought of the possibility of my teeth falling out during the event” So thanks for that. Also, I will have my bunion spotting eyes on to find you.

    • Oh dear. Sorry about that! and if you call me out on my bunion, I might have to tap gently on your front teeth to see if they fall out on the floor. 🙂

    • Oh dear… well, if you call me out on my bunion, I mean call ANY attention to it, then I’ll just have to tap you gently on your front teeth to see if they fall out onto the floor. Just sayin. 🙂

  8. I have that dream about the missing teeth a lot! I think I must be grinding them? I also have that freaky one about not remembering my locker combination and the one about missing a college final. Gee, anxious much?

    As for BlogHer, I have a squeaky voice, too, so just hang with me sister. We’ll be the Mouse Girls.

    • The missing the college final dream? I have that All the Time! And I swear every time in my dream I think, “this sucks that this isn’t a bad dream”. I’m so relieved when I wake up from it. It’s the worst!

      Counting the days until meeting you Squeaky Sista!

  9. I dream all the time that I’ve lost my glasses and literally can’t see where I’m going. Can you say “worried about my future”? And like Kitch, I have the locker combination dream and the I-forgot-to-study dream. And I have bunions. Alas, I will not be at BlogHer so we can’t compare them. Next year, right??

    • I’ve never had the glasses dream… maybe because I don’t wear them? But that must be so awful!

      You have bunions too? Do you just HATE them? It’s the one thing I’d consider having optional surgery to fix. I’ll keep my little saggy boobs but my bunions HAVE to go!

  10. Don’t stress!!! You’ll have a blast. Yes, the first (party, session, breakfast, whatever,) will feel weird, but you’ll find your ‘peeps’ quickly and then the time will fly by!!!

  11. Ummm, are you me?

    Can’t wait to meet you 🙂

  12. Michelle

    I know exactly how you feel and the little bolts of nervous energy running through you as you think about BlogHer. I myself just went to a huge conference alone, all the while anxious about what to expect and how people would view me. It was an incredible experience and I loved realizing that the majority were just like me! I now have some wonderful contacts and new friends that I look forward to seeing again. Just remember…shake the nerves and breathe….people will enjoy you as you are!

    • This made me feel so much better, thank you! I’m so glad you had a great experience and now you’re over the “first time” jitters. I look forward to just meeting my first few friends and then gliding through the rest of the weekend.

      Thanks for your comment!

  13. That dream is so awesomely textbook anxiety dream. I felt anxiety *reading* it, even after I knew it was a dream.
    Your writing is awesome.
    You’ll rock blogher, just because you’re brave enough to go.

    • thank you so much. I was so anxious all day yesterday recounting it over and over.
      I hope I love Blogher – I sure have built it up in my head!

  14. GiggilinMichelle

    I used to have that dream *all* of the time (well my setting wasn’t a wedding but other than that yep!) That or they all crumble to pieces and fall out. Depending on where you research it I’ve read two things – 1) It’s an anxiety issue with self confidence at the root and 2) It’s overcoming something in your life and the tooth falling out is symbolic of letting that something go.

    • The dream interpretations are so interesting. I think I’ll go with the first interpretation here since I can’t think of anything that I’m letting go… but maybe when something is gone, I’ll realize that was the “thing”! In any case, it wasn’t a pleasant dream but I’ll take it over the missing my final dream any night of the week!

  15. Liz

    I have this recurring dream where I’m going to the bathroom in a public space…like, literally, the stall/toilet is in an open place, like a room somewhere, and everyone is going about their business, hanging out and talking to me while I’m trying to pretend it totally does not bother me one bit that I’m wiping my butt while you’re there. I’ve had this dream foreverrrrrrrrrrr. No clue what it means. It’s gotten to the point where I’m like: “Had the bathroom dream again…” and everyone knows it.
    As far as Blogher, reading this post made me even sadder that I am not able to make it. For the few weeks I WAS planning to go, back in, what?, March? I would literally lie awake at night, thinking the same thoughts as you…the biggest was: “That you will all live up to what I’ve created you to be in my mind. And that I will live up to what you hope I am as well.” You nailed it on that one.
    So, sadly, I won’t be able to confront my figuratively missing teeth, and you and I will not be able to compete in the official Sarcastically Inappropriate Comments That Were Never Meant To Be Competition, but I will wish, desperately, that I could be facing you guys, and worrying about my flaws.
    I love your honesty here.

  16. It is weird when you get to know someone through the internet and then you meet in person. I imagine this is what online dating must be like! We’ve all tried each other out at least a small online test drive and we’re all still here! That bodes well I think.

    Oh and I am the queen of blurting something inappropriate when I feel uncomfortable. It’s really like a disorder I have!

  17. Hey I’m your newest follower from Thursday Friends and Giveaway bloghop 🙂 Except I can’t figure out how to follow you via GFC so I’m following you on Twitter! Sorry – eek!

    I dream about losing my teeth all the time! The best explanation I’ve heard for this is it represents “hunger” both physical and symbolic. That always works for me, one or the other, so there you go, haha!

    I’m stinking jealous that you’ll be at BlogHer and if I was going I’d be sure to find you and drink martinis and talk squeeky softly right back to you (the voice, I get it, it’s not a blessing, I have it too!).

    Well, I’m glad I found you 🙂 I’ll look forward to your tweets. I’m @OttosMomBlogs and I’m on there allll the timmmme.

    ps. My blog is tidbitsparenting.blogspot.com if you’re ever bored swing by. And have fun at BlogHer!

  18. Dr McClian

    Floss more

  19. how did i just now find you?

    i hope i get to meet you at BlogHer. i’m a first timer and don’t know many people.

    oh, and i’ve got bunions (two bad ones) and a crooked smile and am sporting a bump.

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