Am I the Only One – Husband Edition

I know, I know, I’m supposed to do these on Tuesdays but I’m material-less today so I’m lightening it up a bit around here with a special THURSDAY edition of “Am I the only one who…”.

And today my focus is on my husband.  Yup.  Plenty of material here folks.  Those of you (the ONE of you) who knows him might shake your head in disbelief , but for me, the one who lives with him, this is what daily life in chez Drama is like.

Am I the only one with a 39 year old husband who:

Puts (or would like to put) Saucy Sue sweet and sour sauce or Barbeque sauce on just about every meal I prepare?  We should buy stock in Barbeque sauce.  Fish. Pasta. lasagna, pork, sandwiches. You name it – if he ate eggs, they’d be covered in the stuff too.

– Pinches his sides when he decides if he should have a second serving of dessert?  Like a second helping of ice cream will add to his waist line that night?

– Lays out his clothes for work the night before?  I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed and there is his selection for his next day hanging on the towel rack.  It gives me a chance to see how he’ll look the next day since he leaves before my eyes are fully open.  And a chance to tell him if I don’t love his choice.

– Would prefer peeing outside than in the toilet?  I’m telling you, if it weren’t for me, he’d be marking his territory daily.  I think it’s confusing our dog who thinks the grass is HER domain.

– Truly enjoys watching the Bachelorette with me?  I find it incredibly annoying having a commentator throughout MY show but he’s entitled to his opinion and it’s nice having a real time partner to discuss the developments with.

– Thinks I need to be careful with my blog friends?  He reluctantly sent me off and said “have fun” as I left to meet my first IRL blog friend and told me not to give her my social security number.  Yes, he was being sarcastic. Maybe.  I think part of him feared I was meeting an axe murderer or a blog girl friend disguised as a man.  He’s excited for me to go to BlogHer but only because he knows there will be thousands of people there.  And they will be predominantly women.  So I won’t have a Roofie dropped in my drink.

– Enjoys speculating that women in bars or on the train are Escorts, strippers, or Prostitutes.  And doesn’t shut up about it until I agree with him?

– Has “gotten” everyone in my family with a prank phonecall?  A week before our wedding he called my mom pretending to be Frank Scarfamoodle, a co-worker of Tim’s.  He informed my mom that he hadn’t received his invitation to the wedding, but planned to be there with his wife and was a little disturbed that the invitation had been lost in the mail.  My mom called me frantically that afternoon that Mr. Scarfamoodle wasn’t on our guest list.

– Relentlessly makes fun of Facebook and Twitter but constantly informs me what he WOULD write as his facebook status update and tweet if he did use them.

– Gets the cars washed almost every week?  We have the shiniest cars in town.  The inside might be a disgusting disaster but the outside?  Brand spankin new looking.

– Informs me that everyone at WORK thinks he’s the cutest, funniest, sweetest man that would make the perfect husband… so why don’t I?

– Will go to a party and recognize someone from 5 years prior.  Even remember what they were wearing, what they were eating, who they were with and what football team had played that day and won, but can’t remember that I like CHOCOLATE based ice cream more than vanilla?

– Will put a twenty item list on a scrap of paper an inch square?  He can barely read it but the list is there.

– Played football through college but is better at Yoga than me?

– Doesn’t have a (big) problem coming home to his son dressed as a princess, pushing a baby stroller and wearing Hannah’s princess underwear over his diaper?

– Notices better than I do whether a girl friend of mine has gotten her hair colored or cut?

– Likes to get to the movies 30 minutes early, even if it’s the 15th week the movie has been in theaters, it’s the middle of a week day and there is no possible way the theater will be full?  He likes to find the perfect seats, get snacks and have time to pee (inside of course) before the lights go down and previews start.  Mind you, I find this endearing and wouldn’t have it any other way.

– Can watch the hard core action film 300 over and over on cable and listen to ACDC for hours in concert but also admits to enjoying chick flicks like Love Actually and Bridgette Jones Diary and will dance with the teeny boppers to the Back Street Boys?  (Sorry for selling you out Bub).

– Will still lay with me, cuddle with me, smooch me and adore me even when I haven’t showered, cut my toenails or shaved in Far Too Long?

Really?  Am I the ONLY one?  And who wants to guess whether this list will have me sleeping on the couch for a few nights?



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23 responses to “Am I the Only One – Husband Edition

  1. OMG, I thought my husband was the only one who picked his clothes out the night before! LMAO! I make so much fun of him for that. 😉

  2. That is too funny!! I am willing to bet that if you were in danger of being banished to the couch, there might be some way that you could be brought back, no?

    My hubby would laugh and scoff at the Twilight movies, but has watched each on with me and even defended them to a male family member! I thought I would die laughing (on the inside, of course!)

  3. Nicki

    These are all things that make the Bringer of the Bacon who he is. Why would they land you on the couch?

    Love it!!!

  4. Oh this is just SO MUCH fun, really. It’s fun to know you and now fun to know Tim better. And I’m not ashamed to say that our husbands would be kindred spirits on quite a number of these, particularly peeing outside (we have a pee tree at our house, though he assures me it’s never the same one), he ALWAYS tells me what to say on Facebook, Twitter and on my blog (but, ahem, chooses never to do it himself), and he has a special sauch of his own, though in our house it’s ketchup. DISCUSTING!! And finally, but not least, mine lays out his clothes every night too!!

    So fun Becca!

  5. I make fun of My Guy for picking his clothes out the night before as well! I never do and I have more elaborate clothes than he does, with his jeans and t-shirt (his company’s not into business attire).

    Tim sounds like a lot of fun to be with, and even with the age discrepancy, I think he and My Guy would get along splendidly. This also tells me that boys will be boys regardless of what their ID says their birth year is.

  6. Sounds like you have one wonderful guy! Even the peeing out-of-doors thing.

  7. This is so funny! It just goes to show that even grown-up, (semi) mature, “Bringer of the Bacon” men are still boys in some ways 🙂

    But the part I like the best? That he is mostly cool with Luke playing with “girl stuff”. That is so endearing. Oh, and the sauce at my house? Texas Pete hot sauce. Nasty!

  8. LZ

    Joe watches the Bachelorette with me. His is ready, on the couch, waiting for me to sit down…and usually hurries me along.
    He worries a bit about blog friends, too. When I went to meet a few at an event, he wanted ‘alleged’ names and email address, you know, in case they were axe murderers. In the middle of a crowded room.

  9. Yes on the BBQ sauce. If I let him use BBQ sauce AND wrap his food in a tortilla, the man is in heaven. He was sad when I was pregnant, because the smell of BBQ sauce made me ill. He had to go outside the marital home to get his fix.

    This was fun to read. I nodded my head “yes” with so many of your points. You are not alone.

  10. My hubby totally can remember people from 5+ years ago. He just has a mind that retains each and every face he sees.

  11. This is a great one! No, I don’t think you’re the only one! My hubby and yours have A LOT in common – even their age! He doesn’t like any kind of sauce very much, and he doesn’t pick out his clothes the night before, but the peeing outside? Watching The Bachelorette? Being reluctant or suspicious of people online? Pointing out strippers/prositutes? Keeping the car clean? Recognizing people from years ago? Arriving early for the movies (and everything else)? He does (plus more).

    They’re great, aren’t they?! Besides the comment about him dancing to the BSB, I don’t think this will put you in the dog house at all! He sounds like a really wonderful man. Fun post! 🙂

  12. What a great list! Chick flix and action movies, yup. The bachelorette, uh huh. Not so much with being early to movies, he’s the guy who comes in 10 minutes late.

  13. Don’t all husbands love peeing outside? All men for that matter?

    What a great list. Tim sounds like a great guy. (Also, what he does with barbecue sauce is what I do with hot sauce. YUM!)

  14. I’m with him on the 30 minutes early to the movie. It makes my husband NUTS. If it were up to him, we’d sneak in right before the opening credits.

  15. So many similarities…..

    Where did your bacon bringer go to college?

  16. ck

    My husband feels the exact same way about me meeting other bloggers in real life. Constantly asking if it’s “awkward,” and if we really like each other, or if it “ruins” it to actually see each other.

    BTW: Can’t wait to meet you in NYC!

  17. He sounds like a keeper!

  18. This is hilarious!!

    I am not a fan of romantic movies (although I did enjoy Love Actually) but my husband will, at times, suggest them.

    My husband (and I) encourage our son to dress up in whatever. There are times when we put a bow on his head just because. (I know, we are so weird.)

    My husband has the worst short-term memory ever. However, he remembers little things like what my favorite restaurant is and foods I refuse to eat. I guess in the same vein, I cannot tell you what colors my husband prefers or what his favorite music genre is.

  19. What is wrong with laying your clothes out the night before? I do that, so I can sleep in those few extra minutes 🙂
    Even with all those, he is a keeper.

  20. kim

    i left the above reply, and then saw it was logged in as you. I was going to read other postings, but they are so long.

  21. Why do I feel like Tim will totally cringe if he knows I’m reading this?

    Shhhh… don’t tell him.

    This is too good!!

    (hugs to both of you).

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