I know, I know, I’m supposed to do these on Tuesdays but I’m material-less today so I’m lightening it up a bit around here with a special THURSDAY edition of “Am I the only one who…”.
And today my focus is on my husband. Yup. Plenty of material here folks. Those of you (the ONE of you) who knows him might shake your head in disbelief , but for me, the one who lives with him, this is what daily life in chez Drama is like.
Am I the only one with a 39 year old husband who:
– Puts (or would like to put) Saucy Sue sweet and sour sauce or Barbeque sauce on just about every meal I prepare? We should buy stock in Barbeque sauce. Fish. Pasta. lasagna, pork, sandwiches. You name it – if he ate eggs, they’d be covered in the stuff too.
– Pinches his sides when he decides if he should have a second serving of dessert? Like a second helping of ice cream will add to his waist line that night?
– Lays out his clothes for work the night before? I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed and there is his selection for his next day hanging on the towel rack. It gives me a chance to see how he’ll look the next day since he leaves before my eyes are fully open. And a chance to tell him if I don’t love his choice.
– Would prefer peeing outside than in the toilet? I’m telling you, if it weren’t for me, he’d be marking his territory daily. I think it’s confusing our dog who thinks the grass is HER domain.
– Truly enjoys watching the Bachelorette with me? I find it incredibly annoying having a commentator throughout MY show but he’s entitled to his opinion and it’s nice having a real time partner to discuss the developments with.
– Thinks I need to be careful with my blog friends? He reluctantly sent me off and said “have fun” as I left to meet my first IRL blog friend and told me not to give her my social security number. Yes, he was being sarcastic. Maybe. I think part of him feared I was meeting an axe murderer or a blog girl friend disguised as a man. He’s excited for me to go to BlogHer but only because he knows there will be thousands of people there. And they will be predominantly women. So I won’t have a Roofie dropped in my drink.
– Enjoys speculating that women in bars or on the train are Escorts, strippers, or Prostitutes. And doesn’t shut up about it until I agree with him?
– Has “gotten” everyone in my family with a prank phonecall? A week before our wedding he called my mom pretending to be Frank Scarfamoodle, a co-worker of Tim’s. He informed my mom that he hadn’t received his invitation to the wedding, but planned to be there with his wife and was a little disturbed that the invitation had been lost in the mail. My mom called me frantically that afternoon that Mr. Scarfamoodle wasn’t on our guest list.
– Relentlessly makes fun of Facebook and Twitter but constantly informs me what he WOULD write as his facebook status update and tweet if he did use them.
– Gets the cars washed almost every week? We have the shiniest cars in town. The inside might be a disgusting disaster but the outside? Brand spankin new looking.
– Informs me that everyone at WORK thinks he’s the cutest, funniest, sweetest man that would make the perfect husband… so why don’t I?
– Will go to a party and recognize someone from 5 years prior. Even remember what they were wearing, what they were eating, who they were with and what football team had played that day and won, but can’t remember that I like CHOCOLATE based ice cream more than vanilla?
– Will put a twenty item list on a scrap of paper an inch square? He can barely read it but the list is there.
– Played football through college but is better at Yoga than me?
– Doesn’t have a (big) problem coming home to his son dressed as a princess, pushing a baby stroller and wearing Hannah’s princess underwear over his diaper?
– Notices better than I do whether a girl friend of mine has gotten her hair colored or cut?
– Likes to get to the movies 30 minutes early, even if it’s the 15th week the movie has been in theaters, it’s the middle of a week day and there is no possible way the theater will be full? He likes to find the perfect seats, get snacks and have time to pee (inside of course) before the lights go down and previews start. Mind you, I find this endearing and wouldn’t have it any other way.
– Can watch the hard core action film 300 over and over on cable and listen to ACDC for hours in concert but also admits to enjoying chick flicks like Love Actually and Bridgette Jones Diary and will dance with the teeny boppers to the Back Street Boys? (Sorry for selling you out Bub).
– Will still lay with me, cuddle with me, smooch me and adore me even when I haven’t showered, cut my toenails or shaved in Far Too Long?
Really? Am I the ONLY one? And who wants to guess whether this list will have me sleeping on the couch for a few nights?