Hypocrite Me

Do you remember that post I wrote on Fitting In?  The one where I tried to explain to Hannah that she shouldn’t care so much about doing the same things or looking the same as her friends?  The one where I told her that who she IS and how she ACTS is so much more important than what she does or how she looks to fit in?

Well, I need to have Her read that post to Me.

Because today I went shopping.

For clothes I really don’t need, but felt I should have, for this little conference that you may have heard of called BlogHer. A three day conference with thousands of women I don’t know and who don’t know me.  Because over the past few weeks I’ve been inundated and overwhelmed with tweets, Facebook updates and blog posts in regards to what people are wearing and how my wardrobe choices are correlated to who I meet and how I Fit In. Because we all know how we are effected by First Impressions.  And oftentimes what we wear is the first glimpse into who we Are.

So I went shopping. And I thought about those first impressions and how I wanted to be perceived. And I spent money that I Do Not Have.  Because as you know, Tim is the Bringer of the Bacon.  And I am just far too good at consuming the bacon.  But bacon really isn’t so good for me.  I need to stay AWAY from the bacon.  But I bought some clothes that are so Me. Clothes that I never get to wear anymore in my days filled with spraying hoses, dirty playgrounds and swimming pools.  Clothes that I would be so thrilled to put on after a relaxing shower ALONE in the hotel room at the conference. Clothes in which I’d feel Confident and Special in.

But then I got home. And I sat my shopping bag on my bed and I saw the receipt laying on the top of the clothes in the bag.  The high price total glaring up at me. And I shook my head at myself.

Because these clothes don’t make Me. And the clothes I had planned on wearing before I got over-consumed with the fashion of it all won’t break Me. I’ve already made my first impressions.  Or many of them at least.  Through my words. Through my thoughts.  Through my (usually) thoughtful comments and emails and tweets.  And people will remember me from BlogHer (good and bad) because of my incessant question asking, tendency to laugh at everything, failure to use words correctly, issue with talking too quietly in loud places, and squeaky voice when I drink (even a glass of wine).

And believe me, I won’t remember you by what you’re wearing (well, I might if you’re wearing some incredibly amazing necklace that I probably tried to figure out how to discretely grab from your neck, or if you’re wearing shoes that you obviously are having a really hard time walking in).  I’ll remember how you made me laugh. How you remembered a moving blog post I wrote. How you were welcoming and warm even if there were more interesting or “popular” bloggers around to meet.

I told a blog friend recently that a fabulous personality can compensate for a poor sense of style or fear of being overweight.  But a fantastic, expensive outfit can NOT compensate for a lame personality.

So I’m returning my new clothes (unless I can think of another opportunity to wear these oh so chic outfits) and you’ll just have to love me, and remember me, for Me.  Because if I’m lecturing Hannah for caring too much about everyone else and how she’ll Fit In… I better follow my own words of wisdom.

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “Hypocrite Me

  1. Oh, you are a strong woman. And it’s a blessing I am not attending Blogher this year because I would feel compelled to do the same kind of shopping- without the returns.

    • Thank you for visiting Sweetest! Believe me, the returning is going to be hard for me! Which is why I’m HOPING I can think of a reason to keep my new clothes – I just don’t want it to be for this conference! I just know I have plenty sitting in my closet that would be Just. Fine. I don’t want to feel like I have to prove anything.

  2. Becca – first, we already love you, so you could show up in a moo moo or a tutu, and it wouldn’t make a difference because you’ll still be that person who leaves very kind and thoughtful comments, and writes amazingly honest and moving posts that we relish. My only regret is not knowing about BlogHer soon enough and so I won’t be there to meet you in person, although I’d love to.

    But secretly, I’m glad I’m not going because I think I would be right there with you, stressing about the impressions I make. Worrying about fitting in. I could have tried harder to get to BlogHer but my fear of not belonging to this community that’s already filled with women who’re familiar with each other, and my fear of people seeing me and realizing they don’t really like ALL of me, just some parts of me, that made me a little relieved that I’m not going. I know – it’s stupid. I have issues. Mostly high school ones.

    But seriously, I look forward to the pictures and hearing about the weekend. I have no doubt it will be wonderful. And yes, I’ll be jealous but I’ll get over it 🙂

    • Yes to everything Justine said. I’m jealous of people who are going and relieved not to be going all at the same time! Plus, there are no clothes in the world that could make my postpartum self feel special right now. =>

  3. If you can’t afford it, I can understand taking back the clothes, but I think it’s less about fitting in and more about feeling “Confident and Special” like you mentioned. Everyone wants to feel and look good – especially in a new environment, but if it’s gonna break the bank then it’s not worth it. You’re right – people don’t remember the outfits (unless they are extreme), but they *do* remember the personalities! Have fun!

  4. I would still buy the clothes…not because of the impression to be made…but because I NEVER get to wear clothes that make me feel put together anymore. Those kinds of outfits just don’t cut it at the baseball field….. *le sigh* I need an adult vacation.

    • I just know I have SO many clothes sitting in my closet that I never get the chance to wear. So I need to wear them. And prove to myself that I don’t need to buy something new for This. It’s kind of a test for me though… since “returning” is really not in my vocabulary.

  5. You’ll have so much fun! It is such an amazing experience to meet all the wonderful “blog souls” you have already connected with.

    Seriously, you can’t do worse than me. I wore clothes that had stains on them. I wish I were joking.

  6. This was the perfect post for me to read today. I’m getting worked up about the impression I’ll make, not at BlogHer, but walking the elementary school halls. I want to feel more together, more grown up. But clothes do not make the woman. Good for you.

  7. Oh, I so wish I were going! Tired of hearing me say that?

    Because I wouldn’t be buying new clothes, either. This is me, take it or leave it.

    And you’re right. I don’t remember what people were wearing at Bloggy Boot Camp. Not unless I look at pics that I have.

    But, I do remember who I clicked with and chatted with. And who, despite however nicely they may have been dressed, wasn’t quite as nice.

  8. Huh, I’m stunned that people told you that clothes matter there? Really? I’m so interested what they told you…will you share with me?

    That said, I’ll be the one in the striped t-shirt and the flip-flops from Target. Scrutiny be damned–I’m going to be comfortable!

  9. I’ve been struggling with the hype and the fashion choices and the making our appearances so special and whatnot…
    Because I wear tank tops and jeans. That’s me. And yes, I’ll dress up. Over the past few months I bought a few new shirts to wear with my jeans. But ultimately I’ll be wearing clothes that have been in my closet for a while because it’s not in our budget to A. go to BlogHer at all, and B. wear clothes that make me feel NOT like me and make me feel guilty for buying.
    So I get what you’re saying 🙂 And I’ve stopped reading all the “i’m wearing this!” sort of posts and tweets.

  10. This was a really great post.

    I felt this way when I went to CBC. The reality was we were already stretching our budget to send me I couldn’t bear to spread it more on clothes. You know what? Not one person said anything about what i was wearing. (well there was a bit of a obviously your not Mormon comment, but that’s a whole other post!)

    Go in what makes you comfortable, that is how you will have the best time. If you aren’t comfortable knowing how much you spent, return it, where you own clothes and be happy!

  11. I adore you!! Absolutely adore you. And when I get to meet you in person I will adore you more, and I will hug you and it will be fantastic.

  12. Good for you for staring temptation down and winning. Unfortunately, too many people worry about how they look and not how they act.

    I wish I was going to BlogHer and we would get a chance to chat…Flip flops and tank tops welcome here, sister!

  13. Nicki

    Way to go, Becca!!

  14. Oh Becca, I am going to BlogHer with a $12 haircut (and fully intend to survive). 😉

    I don’t understand the hype about clothes and shoes and luggage and swag and parties and and and… you know? So much undue pressure.

    I have decided to just go and if someone doesn’t like what I am wearing, there will be 2499 other people. 😀

    So looking forward to meeting you, regardless of what you are wearing.

  15. I so understand the draw of fun, chic clothes. When I look in my closet all I see are t-shirts, tank tops and shorts. Hiding somewhere in the back are my trendy tops and bottoms, calling me to every day. But I just know that they aren’t practical. So they sit there, along with all of the other clothes in the stores, silently calling my name. It’s so hard to ignore their voices isn’t it?

    So, good for you for being so sensible about it. You will do great there, dressed in your personality. Everyone will love you.

  16. Uh, it’s a safe bet you won’t remember what I’m wearing at all cause eveything I own is bland. But I’ll be rip-roaring with laughter right alongside you and that counts for so much more!

    Xo

  17. Becca,

    You said it best in your post, you have made an impression through your thoughts and words. That is enough. Please believe that. I am so glad you returned the clothes and had the courage to blog about it.

    Alas, I found out about Blog Her too late, but have a good time.

  18. I’m a newbie this BlogHer too and I have to admit that I’ve bought 2 new dresses. I’m between sizes at the moment and having spent the last 11 months in full time mum mode for the first time I miss the opportunities I used to have to dress up and feel like “me”. I know that definition of who I am is a changing thing but the new dresses make me feel confident and capable. I don’t care whether other people LIKE what I’m wearing I just want to feel a little more polished and together than I do on a daily basis!

  19. As someone who is way too hard on myself, I think you are being too hard on yourself.

    Don’t return everything. You deserve to feel great and look great and indulge in you. For you. It is fun and we never get to do so.

    And regardless, you are right that what people will remember is thrill of meeting you, and experiencing the warmth and getting to hug the real person. And wearing yourself out completely from having so much fun.

    Thanks so much for watching LTYM. That means a lot to me. I really appreciate your taking the time.

    Hugs (to Tim, too!)

    Ann

  20. I read this post in the car yesterday (not while driving) but couldn’t respond via my phone. I guess I’m not in tune to a lot of the hubbub about BlogHer. I am going, but I’m more concerned with the minutiae: when will I be traveling to NY, has my husband requested time off to watch the kids, where will my kids be while I’m there; will I be sleeping in my sister-in-law’s uncomfortable bed or will I be on a futon, etc. I haven’t even thought of clothes. (I guess you think ahead. I’ll probably be thinking about it the week of!) I so understand about doing too good a job spending the bacon. I can’t wait to meet you, and because I only read blogs of people I think of as friends, I’m really just looking forward to hearing their voices (yours included, of course!).

  21. #1. Good job.
    #2. I’m so jealous!

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