Bad Mom? Not me.

So many of us wonder

If we’re “good”moms.

Scold too much.

Are too tough.

Give in too easily.

Pick up our fallen children too quickly.

We compare ourselves

To books.

To other moms.

To our own moms.

To the mom we always thought we’d be.

We look for clues.

For cues.

That we’re doing ok.

Nods of support.

Goals achieved.

Milestones reached.

Thank you’s uttered.

From partners

And our children themselves.

But sometimes

We just have to believe.

In ourselves.

In our gut.

In taking bits and pieces.

This and That.

From our past

And our peers.

And give our OWN

Pats on our own backs.

High Fives to our own hands.

And know

That the small smiles.

The hugs that wrap around our thighs.

The butterfly kisses.

The broad smiles as they see us

At the end of their long camp day

Is all we need.

To know.

That we’re Doing Great.

That the tears and heartache.

Are worth it.

And that even if EVERY book

Every Friend.

Every RULE.

Says we’re doing it wrong

We’re not.

Because there is no Wrong.

Whoever tells me that I’m doing it wrong

Hasn’t done it in my house.

With MY kids.

The way I do it.

We’re doing the best we can

With what we’re given

As far as a “users manual”.

And “the best we can”

Is Enough.

Tomorrow I’m hosting a chat on Twitter run by Gevalia coffee.  I’ll be speaking on a few different topics related to my blog (you know, the constant wondering, the trying to appreciate the small things, the finding happiness in airplanes overhead and ants crawling on the ground, the keeping true to myself Stuff) and one topic has to do with recognizing what makes us feel we’re good moms.  With so much talk about why we’re flailing as moms, we forget we’re doing an astounding job as well.

I know I “run” my house in ways that MANY people would frown upon.

I am unable to walk away from a tantrum.

I am inconsistent with punishments.

I give too many “chances”.

I give choices at meal time.

I bribe with dessert.

I let my kids see me cry.

I want to be their friend as well as their mom.

But.

My kids trust me. They feel safe with me. They KNOW I’m there for them whether I’m disappointed or not. They find comfort, and look for comfort in my arms.

And that works for me. It’s what I hoped for when they were placed in my arms that first time 5 and 2 years ago.

I know I’m good mom. Not perfect. But good enough.

Why do YOU feel YOU’RE a good mom? Also, you can join the chat with Gevaliaand me here!

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Bad Mom? Not me.

  1. I know I’m a good mom because I listen to my kids. I hear them…
    And they never go to bed hungry 🙂
    Among other things…
    How exciting about your chat tomorrow! Good luck!

  2. Nicki

    This is wonderful! I hope I can connect with you tomorrow.

  3. I think you’re right at the end here–you just have to do what’s best for you and your family. I have friends who I know have certain things they are persnickety about. I’m not. And I almost get anxious when my world and their worlds meet. I am tempted to judge and say mine is better. But who benefits from that kind of thinking? We just all have to find our own way.

  4. Yes! I once thought I had a better way of parenting, but then I cared for another’s child. And I learned that each kid brings something else to the table, and one method doesn’t work for all kids. The challenge is bringing your best self and seeing the child for him or herself. That’s what I strive for, anyway.

  5. Thank you for this. It’s like you are in my head. I’m intrigued by your chat tomorrow. I’ll do my best to make to.

  6. My.favorite.post.ever.

    !!!!!!!!

  7. Most days, I feel like Partially Proficient Mom. C- Mom. But I try hard not to yell and remind myself to breathe and sometimes surrender to the chaos of water fights and ice cream at 10 am. We do what we can 🙂

  8. Sigh…thank you. I needed to read this today. I missing my kids desperately. The week is too long and I hardly get to see them. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even get a chance to actually BE their mom.

    And the chat! I’m excited, how fun. I’ll definitely try to join in.

  9. I love this. I really, really love this. I think I am a Good Enough mom, too. My kids love me, they depend on me, they trust me, they hug me. It works for Us.

  10. I adore this! I love the real grit of it. I know I’m not perfect either. My daughter is 16. I made MANY mistakes and she is a GREAT kid.

    We do the best we can with what we have, but one thing is for sure – as a mother – don’t be so hard on yourself.

    I wish I could join the chat. I would enjoy it.

    Thanks for this real mom post. 🙂

  11. Oh, this is good. Good good good and I needed it today!

    So, to pat my own back, I know I’m a good mom because I’m trying to teach my kids to be kind. Always kind. I know I’m a good mom because I know who my children are, and I don’t expect them to be anything more, or less. I love them for their uniqueness, and I will nurture that as best I can.

  12. I know I’m a good mom because my kids were given to ME. I just have to believe that I’m the right mom- for them. Maybe your kids need a mom who bribes with dessert. Maybe my kids need a mom who sings dorky songs when they are feeling down. That was a great post!

  13. Sorry I missed this. Sounds like something I’d enjoy.

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