Am I the Only One?

I’m starting a new event.  It’s out of laziness really because I am in the mood to write tonight but have nothing intriguing, compelling or even interesting to write about.  So, starting today and maybe ending today, each Tuesday will be, “Am I the Only One? Tuesday“.

If I was at all creative or computer savvy I’d create a cute little button so that you could join me.  But for now… enjoy my post on my recent observations that have left me shaking my head.

Am I the only one… with a five year old child who:

– Watches the “commercials” during Nick Jr programming intended for parents?  She told me that yesterday she learned after Maggie and the Ferocious Beast that parents are “often anxious before their children start Kindergarten because it’s a big responsibility to send them off to school.  It’s normal mommy to feel this way”, she consoled me.

– Demands I apologize after scolding her?  She stomped down the stairs yesterday after a time out, her hands on her hips, her face inches from mine and said, “Do you have anything to say to me?”

“Um, no?”

“An apology maybe?”

“I don’t have anything to apologize for Hannah.”

“Oh yes you do!  Now, let me hear it and make sure it’s from the bottom of your heart!”

– Has a make believe language that she uses only with the family.  Where no one can understand what she’s trying to say.  It was cute at first.  But quickly became annoying.  Especially since Luke, who is struggling to speak, is repeating all of her pretend words and looking confused as to why she’s calling him “Sam”.

– Doesn’t seem to be the least bit saddened by the thought of people or animals dying, but cries elephant tears when the weeds she picked from our yard are wilted and brown the day after she carefully placed them in a vase?  Wondering “why on earth” they don’t live longer than a day.

– Is the worst backseat driver on the east coast (or the world)?  She shouts at me to hold the steering wheel with two hands.  She yells, “Go!” when a light turns green. She comments if I don’t come to a complete stop at a stop sign.  She notifies me if I am coming close to the yellow lines in the road. And god forbid, if I glance at my phone, “NOT SAFE!” rings through my head from the back seat.

– Can work the Tivo, DVD, stereo, and answering machine and can buy apps on my iPhone on her own, YET, refuses to wipe her tush, brush her teeth, or get in her pajamas by herself?

– Requests medication by name (Benedryl, Tylenol, Motrin, Zyrtec, Zoponex, Pulmocort, steroid cream, etc.) but still calls the remote control the “morote”, thinks her swim class at camp is “constructional” swim and thinks things that are HUGE are “hermendous”?

– Thinks she’ll get struck by lightning if she’s drinking water?

– Wants me to explain length of time by Wow Wow Wubbzy episodes?

– Requested I give her “an example of an example”?

– Overheard me complaining about my ugly feet and told me it’s what’s on the inside that counts?

– After she shouts something tells me that if she “had written that, it would have been in all Upper Case letters.”?

– Tells me she can’t fall asleep at night because she has too much going on in her head?

– Thinks the bus is the best part of the day at camp?

Really?  Is it just me?

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27 Comments

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27 responses to “Am I the Only One?

  1. HAHA! I have no idea seeing that I don’t have a five-year-old yet, but this list made me laugh out loud.

  2. This is an excellent idea!!

    Am I the only one who worked very hard to gain the opportunity to telecommute from my job so that I could spend more time with my children…only to one day bribe them with the promise of candy if only they would keep quite during mommy’s conference call?

    🙂

    • Oooh yes, I went through that too when I went part time. Hannah used to close my computer on me while I worked. I’ve definitely been there!

  3. Aren’t 5-year-olds amazing!? One minute they seem so grown up and the next minute they are still our little babies! Hannah reminds me so much of my Miss M. Oh, the drama! 🙂

  4. Oh my goodness, this is hilarious. I love that she expected an apology from you. That probably would have resulted in another scolding at my house.

  5. Wow! Sounds like she has a lot of personality! My two year old boy yells, “Go Fast!” from the backseat as soon as the light turns green.

  6. Emily

    I love following your blog, Becca. Hannah is such a character. I can’t believe how sophisticated she is! I wonder how she compares to you when you were 5 🙂

    • Emily! I’m so happy to see a comment from you! I wish I could remember what went through my head when I was five. Sadly, I don’t. But you knew me when I was six so maybe you remember if I said things like this? 🙂

  7. Those are hillarious….and my 5 year old son does some of the same things!

    • Thanks Michelle… I’m thinking five year olds just might have some of the funniest things coming out of their mouths. Funny in a good and not so good way!

  8. The perspectives they give us are both amazing and startling. I love this idea, and that you are recording it here. I don’t know what it is about me, but I have a hard time remembering these kind of moments. I blame it on sleep deprivation, but I don’t actually think that’s an excuse.

    And for the record my 4-year-old always wants me to apologize after I scold him.

    • Sometimes Christine I have to take a break from my normal posts that are more thoughtful and introspective just to write down these things that come out of my kids’ mouths. It’s really why I started this blog, so that I wouldn’t forget so I MAKE myself remember. and I’m sure I’ll look back on posts like this with fondness (and less tears than when it’s actually happening!)

  9. LZ

    I can agree to most of these! You know I feel you pain with the tush wiping…
    M always tells me I should apologize after I discipline her. “You should say you’re sorry because you told me I couldn’t do something.” Great…
    You’re not alone, my friend!

  10. I loved this. My 6yo is a horrible backseat driver, too. He’ll yell at us to stop or go or watch out or be careful or don’t go so fast. It makes it fun. He can work an iPhone/iPad/any other electronic device better than I can, but still wants me to wipe his hands and feed him.

  11. I’m laughing at the Upper Case Letters. And the backseat driving — it’ll be amusing turnabout (sort of) when it’s her turn to get behind the wheel. I imagine you’re probably thankful that won’t be for several years, though 🙂

  12. I always love your Hannah tidbits. Just wait till that girl hits her teens. Woo, boy, Becca! 🙂

  13. From my own experience, it seems that we often get ourselves played back on them. I often catch my three year old repeating, verbatim things I have said to the other two.

    Really hilarious, Becca!

    • Absolutely Maria! I hear myself All the time when Hannah comes out with this stuff. I need to be more careful what I say, and how I say it!

  14. WOW. Becca, she’s some five-year old. I am laughing over here (and you probably are too to a certain degree) but it scares me how worldly and adult they are at age five! I’m looking forward to my own Little Miss’ idiosyncrasies but at the same time, I’m not.

    Great idea on this post. Always love hearing/seeing what kids say.

  15. Can’t leave a normal comment as I am freaking out over the collision of “real life” and blog life.

    I worked with the BRINGER OF THE BACON in the BACON FACTORY FROM HELL (as in PAS 1999-2003).

    I was at your wedding for God’s Sakes! You and your blog look fantastic.

    See you at BlogHer!

    Ann

  16. I loved the “example of an example” and the upper case letters the best. She’s priceless! Hopefully by the time Luke really gets going with his words Hannah will be a little more predictable. Otherwise you’ll go crazy!! 🙂

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