In Dreams

I fell asleep on the couch today.  The ceiling fan whirred over head. There were lawn mowers grooming the yard across the street.  My dog, in desperate need of a haircut in this heat, snored quietly by my side.  And after a few too many nights of interrupted sleep, I was in desperate need of a nap.  So when Luke slept, so did I.

And I dreamed.

So rarely do I dream.  I either don’t fall into a deep enough slumber for dreams to overtake my mind, or I’m in such a deep sleep that the dreams are shut out. Or worse, the dreams I DO have are the ones that I wake up in a cold sweat, having missed a semester of classes and in no way can pass the final, or I’m falling down an empty elevator shaft (I like to dream by the books.  With obvious interpretation.).

But today, I dreamed about an actual day dream.  I dreamed about something that recently I find myself pondering during the daylight hours, while my kids play in front of me, as I’m cooking dinner, and pulling weeds from my garden.  As I napped my mind took me to a place where one day I can only “dream” of being.  My dream took me to achieving something I wouldn’t even dare to admit I hope to achieve.  Because it’s not realistic.  It’s just a dream.

Which makes me wonder.  When are you allowed to consider a dream a possibility?  When is a dream something you can take from your subconscious mind, open your eyes and put it in front of you?

If you knew me in real life (which only a handful, a small handful, of you do), you’d know that I am a dreamer.  An idea person with Dreams.  I dream big but I execute small.  My dreams get squashed.  I either squash them with my own self deprecating internal voice or tiny voices that reside on my shoulders, whispering in my ears squash them.  And then I move on.  Often feeling defeated, but other times feeling as if reality simply shined brighter than my dream.

I want to stop this cycle.  This cycle of having a dream, making a plan and talking myself out of all I had hoped to see come true.  I want to silence the voices that tell me my dreams aren’t realistic.  That my time and energy could be better spent on the things that are already in my grasp.  I want to ignore the nay sayers and the eye-rollers (even if I’m one of them) and forge ahead.  Take a dive.  Take a risk.  Be COURAGEOUS.

My dream today on the couch felt REAL.  I woke up feeling foggy headed yet inspired.  I felt giddy in a just-woke-up-in-the-middle-of-the-day-and-have-no-idea-where-I-am sort of way.  And I told myself, I’m doing this.

I’m doing this for ME.  I’m doing this to prove to myself that I CAN be courageous and leap off a ledge that for all my life I’ve been told is too high for me. I’m doing this for Hannah and Luke. Because if I tell them every day of their young lives that they’ll never know if they can succeed unless they try,  then I need to do the same.  I need to tell myself that this dream CAN be reality.

And sorry guys, but I’m not leaking what my dream today was all about.   Because, if you were listening above, you know that this is for ME.  If I tell YOU then I’ll have all of you breathing down my neck, asking me how it’s going, asking for details, which I’m just not ready to talk about.  Maybe after a few glasses of wine at BlogHer… but not today.  But don’t worry.  You won’t see me on any stage doing stand-up comedy, applying for Project Runway, Survivor or The Amazing Race.  No, this dream is smaller.  Less public.  Less humiliating.

Right now, it’s just a dream. Something I’ve only seen in blurred forms and shades of grey.  But I’m going to figure out a way for it to breathe real life.

For Me.

Have you had dreams come true?  How do you try to make your dreams reality?  Does it make you nervous?  Are their dream squashers in your life?  Are you one of them?



Filed under hannah, hopes and dreams, luke, Me, nap, parenting, wonders

43 responses to “In Dreams

  1. Good for you, to have something move you in such a deep level, to beckon you through a dream!

    My friend, if it is something that will bring you happiness without causing anyone harm, chase that dream with all your might.

    I will be sending you light and strength for your pursuit :)!

  2. Good luck with your dream!

    I put a dream of mine out there once…just to my “best friend” and he literally laughed in my face. So, now, I keep my dreams to myself and don’t say anything until I manage to accomplish them.

    Because I CAN. And so can YOU.

    • I also have been laughed at by someone close to me when I told them about my dream/idea and they were totally patronizing. It was so demeaning and frustrating so now I’ve decided to keep it to myself!

      Thank you Shell!

  3. I make dreams come true by hemming and hawing for a few months, thinking about it too much, weighing possibilities and then one day just jumping in.
    Good luck!

    • Yes. Jumping in. Without thinking too much. That’s what I’ll have to do with this one. Because sometimes, I overthink and then scare myself away! Thank you so much for your comment!

  4. Good for you! I always have dreams, but I’m also always afraid to get my hopes up (there I go, squashing them myself!)- so I pursue almost too many sort-of dreams, just to improve my chances. I’m not good at the go-big-or-go-home strategy. Maybe I should dream of tackling that…

    • I think that it’s great that you have so many sort-of dreams. At least you feel more accomplished that way! I often come up with ideas and dreams that are so difficult that I tire of trying to tackle them. So I’ve chosen one. Just one. And I’ll see if I can make it happen! If I could just get OFF the blogs for a few days a week and do MY thing!

  5. You absolutely can do it. Anything, but especially making your dreams come true. Think of what following one dream will do for the rest of your life…you will be unstoppable!

  6. I harbour a few of my own…and sometimes I let them fill me up and bring joy from hope and excitement. So do that Becca! Let it fill you and it will happen. This I have learned. And we’ll be here ready to learn all about it when you are ready to share (and really, if it’s okay if you never do too!).

    • Thanks Christine. And you know, I do feel a little giddy about the prospect of my dream. So if I just stay like this, even if I never take one more step toward achieving it, I’d be ok!

  7. Nicki

    Way to go, Becca! Fulfill your dream!!!

  8. I am my own biggest dream squasher, and like you I need to stop that. The one I have now isn’t big but it’s important to me – I hope to be able to quit my full-time job and stay at home with my little girl at least part of the time. And we’re giving ourselves one year to make this happen.

    Good luck to you. And to me. 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing your dream Justine. I so hope you can make that happen for you. It’s something that I also dreamt of doing and when it happened, it was so worth the months I spent dreaming about it! Give it time, weigh all of the options and see it through!

  9. Eeek! So strange! Yesterday I too was working on a post about dreams. Hmmmm…. You’ve got me really curious about what yours is about. I’m finding myself having a harder time having dreams of my own now that I’m a mommy. Like you, I’m good at encouraging others to dream and sometimes even better at squelching my own. Why do our dreams get smaller as we get bigger? I want to learn to dream big again. I hope yours comes true!

    • Crazy that we were on the same page today! It’s a dreamy day! I’m good at dreaming big… it’s the follow through that lags behind. And you’re right, being a mom and having so little time to make them come true is so so hard. Thank you for sharing all of your dreams on your post today!

  10. Becca,
    I so often feel like you and I are on the exact same page at the same time. I have been thinking the same thing lately, about having the courage to pursue my dream. What is holding me back? Why do I have so much fear? I’m working on it.

    What your blog also reminded me about today is how great mommy blogs (for lack of a better term) can be. They show how much moms have going on inside. So often, we assume a mom’s brain shuts down and she no longer has any goals outside of her kids’ development. But your post today shows that this is not the case.

    • Thanks Jana. and I agree… I love the blogs that I read because I’m always reminded how so many of us have similar hopes and dreams and want MORE.

      We do need to somehow gain the courage to make our dreams happen for us. And for our kids. I think we’d all be better off if I could succeed in this. What an inspiration I would be for them if I could just tell myself it IS possible!

  11. Go for it! I hope that some day you will tell us what the dream is.

    I very often have a few ideas bouncing around in my head. Things I should do, businesses to create (greeting cards). If I had the time, the ambition and the will. One day I hope actually do one of these things.

    • I will share my dream one day. One day that I’ve figured out HOW to make it happen and the steps I’m going to take to see it through. Or one day that I’ve had too many drinks and can’t keep my mouth shut!

  12. Liz

    I, too, am a dreamer. Big Time. But I, too, often squash them myself. Hooray for you. It was surely destined that you nap today, that you dream, that you wake up inspired. Unfortunately, I will miss the possible wine-induced confession at BlogHer…so promise me you’ll tell us later…eventually…when you’re ready..when it’s TRUE!

    • I promise to let you know Liz… If I spill it at BlogHer, I’ll spill it here too. But, most likely, I’ll be keeping it to myself until I’ve taken MANY steps forward.

  13. There is no choice here Becca. You need to dream. You have to.

    Don’t be afraid of failure. This is a great lesson for you as you raise your kids as well. With failure you learn resiliency and you want your kids to be able to pick themselves up and move on with grace and knowledge. You want the same for yourself.

    Dreams don’t come in sizes–they are not big or small. They are hopes, prayers, wishes–act on them. Make them happen. I for one will be here to support you.

    • Thank you Terry! I can always count on you to leave me an inspiring, helpful, sweet comment.

      And you’re right, I can’t be afraid of failure. I can’t. Because without failure, I do not believe there can be success. And oh how I want to succeed!

  14. Congrats on your dream! (And on the nap that facilitated it!) I’ve been courting some dreams of my own lately; ones that I too am reluctant to confess at this point. But there’s something inspiring and exciting about the awareness of a dream that you plan to explore (rather than squashing as I sometimes do as well). I wish you the best in courage and energy as you pursue your dream. I hope to hear more about it soon.

    On a lighter note, last night I dreamed that my water broke. I was convinced of it. I had to wake up – really wake up – before I realized that I’m not pregnant…

    • Oh Gale. I have pregnancy dreams too… and since I know I’m not having more kids, I often wonder why I have them. I usually wake from them sad. Until the first tantrum hits and then I’m filled with relief!

      And you’re right… having the dream in itself is exciting alone. And each step forward i’m sure will bring more excitement and inspiration which I look forward to… hopefully!

  15. I am SO happy that you are pursuing your dream, whatever it might be. You CAN do it and you WILL do it.

    Naps are a blessed thing around here. I don’t get nearly as many as I would like. : )

  16. I find the line between dreaming and facing reality to be very blurry. Sometimes that’s a good thing; sometimes, not. I think it’s so important to explore your dream and start taking steps toward achieving it. You will likely find success! And if, for whatever reason, you do not find success, it would still be way worse to wake up 20, 40, 60 years from now and hate yourself for not trying!

    In other news, I dreamed last night that my high school boyfriend proposed to HIS MOTHER and I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Someone interpret that, please.

    • I can’t even begin to interpret that one Missy! On so many levels it’s strange!

      And you’re right, if I don’t try, I’ll probably always wonder what would have happened if I had.

  17. Dreams are so vital to our spirit. I believe they keep us going. They move us forward, even when we stand in our own way. Eventually, we stop doing that. Bit by bit. It doesn’t matter what the dream is – or what anyone else thinks of it. It’s yours. Go for it, in whatever way feels manageable.

    What have you got to lose?

    • And that BLW is what I keep telling myself. What do I have to lose? Nothing. Especially if I keep what it is to myself! And this dream, it will keep me going. Will keep me excited and motivated.. I just need to get going on it.

      I love having this for me. And thank you for your thoughts… I always love them.

  18. I saw myself in what you wrote. I, too, dream big and execute small, and I, too, am trying to change this, partially for me but also partially to be a better role model. It’s one of the reasons I started blogging, to challenge myself to set my inhibitions aside and just put it out there. Good luck with your dream. I hope it comes true. And wow! If nothing else, great that you got to have a nap!

    • Ah yes. It was a wonderful nap! I need to make that happen more often! And I agree, it would be amazing to show my children that dreams can come true. Thank you so much for your comment.

  19. If you can dream it, you can believe it. If you can believe it, you can breathe it. If you can breathe it, you can achieve it. This is where it begins. I just had this realization yesterday of a dream I want ot achieve, and I’m trying to keep myself inspired. Just remember that feeling you had when you woke up, and I hope it will keep you going.

    • I love this Suzicate. I need to print it out and put it on my computer.

      And yes, I’m trying to keep that dream I had yesterday fresh in my head so I can stay inspired and optimistic. I wish I was still in my dream!!!

  20. Go, go, go! Go for those dreams. It may not be easy, but it is so worth it. I think we all deserve it to our children to dream big 🙂

  21. ck

    Just saying out loud that you’re chasing your dream is what is most important. Once other people know, it’s much harder to squash it yourself.

    I’m also a big dreamer. An idea girl. (in fact I have a post about that for next week. so weird, all of dreamers dreaming at the same time!) And I’m going for it to. We have to. It’s the best kind of example to set!

  22. I’m not a dreamer at all…but I have a big dream that I’m going to focus on this summer and I can’t wait. Good luck to you!!

  23. I am a self-defeatist, but I truly believe that no dream is too big. So I’m glad to hear you’re going for it, and I hope you’ll allow yourself to put some really good, positive thoughts into the world.

    A few small, realistic goals could lead to really big success!

  24. evi

    thanks for writing so many things about dreams. i think i forgot to dream for a while and i was so unhappy and had no hope for the future not knowing why. now after reading all your comments i realised what i missed, i forgot to dream!! so easy… you made me happy looking forward for what makes my heart shine again… thank you

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