I fell asleep on the couch today. The ceiling fan whirred over head. There were lawn mowers grooming the yard across the street. My dog, in desperate need of a haircut in this heat, snored quietly by my side. And after a few too many nights of interrupted sleep, I was in desperate need of a nap. So when Luke slept, so did I.
And I dreamed.
So rarely do I dream. I either don’t fall into a deep enough slumber for dreams to overtake my mind, or I’m in such a deep sleep that the dreams are shut out. Or worse, the dreams I DO have are the ones that I wake up in a cold sweat, having missed a semester of classes and in no way can pass the final, or I’m falling down an empty elevator shaft (I like to dream by the books. With obvious interpretation.).
But today, I dreamed about an actual day dream. I dreamed about something that recently I find myself pondering during the daylight hours, while my kids play in front of me, as I’m cooking dinner, and pulling weeds from my garden. As I napped my mind took me to a place where one day I can only “dream” of being. My dream took me to achieving something I wouldn’t even dare to admit I hope to achieve. Because it’s not realistic. It’s just a dream.
Which makes me wonder. When are you allowed to consider a dream a possibility? When is a dream something you can take from your subconscious mind, open your eyes and put it in front of you?
If you knew me in real life (which only a handful, a small handful, of you do), you’d know that I am a dreamer. An idea person with Dreams. I dream big but I execute small. My dreams get squashed. I either squash them with my own self deprecating internal voice or tiny voices that reside on my shoulders, whispering in my ears squash them. And then I move on. Often feeling defeated, but other times feeling as if reality simply shined brighter than my dream.
I want to stop this cycle. This cycle of having a dream, making a plan and talking myself out of all I had hoped to see come true. I want to silence the voices that tell me my dreams aren’t realistic. That my time and energy could be better spent on the things that are already in my grasp. I want to ignore the nay sayers and the eye-rollers (even if I’m one of them) and forge ahead. Take a dive. Take a risk. Be COURAGEOUS.
My dream today on the couch felt REAL. I woke up feeling foggy headed yet inspired. I felt giddy in a just-woke-up-in-the-middle-of-the-day-and-have-no-idea-where-I-am sort of way. And I told myself, I’m doing this.
I’m doing this for ME. I’m doing this to prove to myself that I CAN be courageous and leap off a ledge that for all my life I’ve been told is too high for me. I’m doing this for Hannah and Luke. Because if I tell them every day of their young lives that they’ll never know if they can succeed unless they try, then I need to do the same. I need to tell myself that this dream CAN be reality.
And sorry guys, but I’m not leaking what my dream today was all about. Because, if you were listening above, you know that this is for ME. If I tell YOU then I’ll have all of you breathing down my neck, asking me how it’s going, asking for details, which I’m just not ready to talk about. Maybe after a few glasses of wine at BlogHer… but not today. But don’t worry. You won’t see me on any stage doing stand-up comedy, applying for Project Runway, Survivor or The Amazing Race. No, this dream is smaller. Less public. Less humiliating.
Right now, it’s just a dream. Something I’ve only seen in blurred forms and shades of grey. But I’m going to figure out a way for it to breathe real life.
Have you had dreams come true? How do you try to make your dreams reality? Does it make you nervous? Are their dream squashers in your life? Are you one of them?