It’s been a year. A year since I cracked this slim white laptop open, took a deep breath and started to tap my fingers about my life on these keys.
I’m not sure what I was looking for. What I hoped this blog would bring to my life. I think it started because I enjoyed writing my Facebook status updates and making people laugh. I enjoyed getting emails from my friends on Facebook telling me they never knew I was funny. I was flattered and decided to give being funny a chance in a broader format.
But then I realized that a) I wasn’t all that funny and b) I was tired of trying to be funny. I almost just stopped. Quit.
But I also realized that I liked to write. A lot. Who knew?
I had begun reading dozens of other blogs written by fantastic writers. Some writers were hysterical, some were able to weave words into pure art, and some wrote with such grace, such honesty, such emotion that I truly felt moved. I wanted to be able to do That. I had so much in MY head. So much I yearned to get out but didn’t feel quite brave enough to have this place be they’re home. Because I was afraid the words would come out as they are in my head. A jumbled mess.
But I gave it a shot. And with a few early friends cheering me on, the connections were born.
I’m still asked weekly why I write this blog. Why I care to have strangers read what is going on in my life. Why I care about other stranger’s lives. I get funny looks when I refer to you guys as my friends. My husband gets suspicious when I mention wanting to get together with any of you. People say things like, “Oh, it must get lonely at home all day with your kids. That must be why you do this.”
And yes, that may be a reason I STARTED doing this. But it is NOT the reason I keep it up. I keep it up because I am a happier person with this place. I am a better mother. I am more secure. I have more confidence. I feel a “part” of something. And I’m so tired of defending it and explaining it.
The one thing that has been the biggest eye opener since starting this blog in May 2009 is the following:
EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING
My world has gotten so much BIGGER having all of you in it. I read maybe 60 blogs a week and know anything from a tid-bit about your lives to feeling like I know some of you inside and out. And I’ve come to realize on days that I feel like my life is crumbling that ALL of you also have Something that makes you feel the same way.
You’ve lost parents. You’ve worried about sick children. You’ve had medical scares and illnesses. You’re overcoming addictions and disorders. You have pasts you regret and futures you fear. You have moments of despair and faults you can’t forgive. You have old loves who you now hate and also those people you hate to love. You have depression and anxiety. Your houses don’t feel like home and your homes are drowning you with stuff. You’ve felt forlorn and you cry.
So much of this list I write and can say, “me too”.
EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING
But everyone also has something that makes you feel !!!. You have pregnancies and newborns. You have new spouses and new loves. You have passion and LUST. You celebrate and entertain. You have children who melt you and friends who hold you high. You have new books and new dreams. You have careers that fascinate you and hobbies that enlighten you. You belly laugh and cry tears of joy.
And again, thankfully, Me Too.
This past year I have had my share of medical fears and scares, complete breakdowns and feeling total loss of control. I’ve dubbed myself a bad mommy. Have worried myself sick. I’ve questioned just about every decision I’ve made as a mom. But I’ve gotten through All Of It (and celebrated a whole lot of good too). Because of this place (and a little help from my dear husband of course).
This place that I come to each day. That I spend (and waste) hours of my precious time. This place that I try to explain to those who probably don’t REALLY want to understand. This place is My Something. My place to shed pounds of worry and anxiety. My place to pat myself on the back. My place where I find comfort in confessing and being the Me that I want to be and that I want You to know.
In a year I’ve made more friends than I have in my lifetime. Friends that I trust with my life stories.
And from one blog writer to another. Who gets this place and doesn’t question me. Just wants to know me.