I must confess my love affair

Dear Sleep,

I’ve been trying to keep this thing I have for you hush hush, but it’s getting harder and harder to hide it.  I think about you constantly and my heart pounds with excitement when I think of our time together.  I fear what people would think of me if they knew how often you’re on my mind and how thrilled I become when the time nears for us to be together.  So, I’ve decided to come clean.  I’m shouting it out from the mountain tops how I love you so.

There is nothing in this world I miss more when you are not around.  I’m told I look gray and feeble when I haven’t seen you in a while.  My hair doesn’t shine, my eyes don’t sparkle, and my skin looks wan if I haven’t been in your presence. No shower, hairstyle, makeup or perfume can perk me up the way you do.

Yet, when I HAVE seen you, people always notice.  They wonder why I have such a gleaming smile.  Why my cheeks are flushed. They notice the skip in my step and the happy pitch of my voice.  And I am on top of the world after some time with you.  I feel like I can conquer anything.  Big issues feel smaller.  Things that normally frustrate me, I can patiently handle.  I love my job a as a mom that much more, if only I can be wrapped in your arms for some quiet time alone.

I do love our time together alone.  Just you and me and my cold pillow under some soft cotton sheets.  I like best when we lie still, when you comfort me with little movement.  I like to start out time together just the two of us and then have Tim join us after we’re already comfortable with one another.  He adds an element of warmth to the mix but really, it’s just you I need.

I’ve been with you in many places in our house.  But it’s my bed I love most.  I end up with a sore neck when I’m with you on the couch or chair, somehow I always get a small foot to the belly when I’m with you in Hannah’s bed (and she always wakes up thinking it’s weird that I’m in her bed with you), and although the fire was romantic, the time with you on the living room floor was just Not Comfortable.  I must be getting old.

Aside from the house, I’ve tried to grab time with you in other random, places and situations for better or worse.  Somehow we have a hard time finding comfort together on airplanes.  The mile high club will never be reached with us… I just can’t relax enough.  I hope you understand.  We’ve tried it in the car but with the kids, again, it can be hard.  But let’s keep trying, it could make long car rides more enjoyable.  You know how I love the times we’ve been together outside.  My favorite is in a hammock.  Nothing is better than you and me, swinging slowly, the breeze through my hair and the sun in my face.  Dreamy. I hope we can grab some quiet time together in the park or by the pool as the warmer days begin to appear this spring.  I’ll ask Tim to watch the kids… he won’t even know we’re together.

I blush as I think of the times when we’ve met in the middle of the day.   Those times have been sadly infrequent but I’m hoping with Luke starting school, we may be able to steal some quickies here and there.  As long as I have time to get myself “together” before I run out to get Hannah and Luke, she’ll probably love the Happy Mommy that will skip through the doors of her school.  People may start to whisper if we see each other too often in the middle of the day though… moms just shouldn’t look That Good.

My dear, sweet Sleep.  I hope you understand that the only thing that will come before you are my kids when they are sick.  No matter how much you beg for me to see you, I will shake you off if they need me.  But you know how it goes, the less I see of you the more I need you.  There are days that I’ll be BEGGING for you, but I won’t be able to feel you and be comforted by you until my kids need for me has subsided.  If you care about me, as much as I do you, I’m sure you’ll understand.

This love is never ending.  It is stronger than you can imagine. I think I may have taken you for granted for many years of my life but now, I promise you, I’ll never take you for granted again.  I need you.  With all of me.

Love forever,


Thank you Momalom for giving me the excuse to write this love letter.  This is my entry into Momalom’s Love It Up event. You should enter too!  Just write a love letter to anyone or anything and submit your entry on their site to win some Valentine’s Goodies.  I’m hoping for a new nightie.  🙂



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19 responses to “I must confess my love affair

  1. crnnoel

    Becca, I can so relate to this – and the time I spent thinking about what to write my love letter about the other night (which I still don’t know about yet…), I thought about writing along the same lines as you just did!

    And I almost spit out my tea at the “I blush as I think of the times when we’ve met in the middle of the day” 🙂

  2. Dear Becca,

    I think I may have drifted off there for a bit in the middle. My chin MAY or MAY NOT have a bit of spittle on it. Excuse me. I’m not sure what it was…I just, I just, I just got so darn sleepy.

    Seriously. This post convinced me to close my computer sooner than planned and GO.TO.BED. I am exhausted lately. Just exhausted. But I insist on staying up late because it’s MY time without the kids…

    But I pay for it too much.
    So goodnight, sweet Becca. I hope you are sleeping soundly…or well on your way. Say hello to your lover for me.


  3. I didn’t think I could blush reading a love letter to sleep, but you successfully made that happen.

  4. My gosh, Becca, you have missed your calling writing torrid romance novels! Sleep must be blushing right now.
    Perfect love letter. I’m sure Sleep will continue your scheduled and unscheduled meetings happily.

  5. That was a beautiful letter. Sleep really is a wonderful (and sometimes fickle) lover.

  6. Becca! This is awesome! I agree–crank out those Harlequin’s girl! You’d make a killing!


    Totally agree with you 110%.

    Over from SITS.

  8. Liz

    Damn, Becca…you’re getting goooooooooood. And I can not believe you considered giving this up a while back.
    Now on to the topic…I often feel guilty that I would rather sleep than do just about anything. There are more nights I’m in bed at 8:30 or 9:00 than nights I’m up (which is probably why I have such a hard time keeping up with the rest of you!). I am sleepy 95% of the time. Seriously.

  9. You should totally win! Awesome letter!

    I love sleep.

  10. B, despite being sleep-deprived and stuck in a house with sick kids, you managed to whip up one brilliant love letter! I love it!

    After Big Boy was born, Husband noted that sleep takes on an erotic quality when you’re getting so little of it. You captured that sentiment perfectly here.


  11. Just delicious! Adored this post, Becca.

    Sadly, my sleep lover has deserted me entirely. So if yours has a twin, might you send him my way? I’d certainly make it worth his while – in or out of bed (and with or without a selection of stilettos).

    (Insert weary but wicked grin here please _____.)

  12. LOVE this post. So sadly funny.
    I remember once…ONCE…in my child’s first three years, we came home from a long trip and put him to bed wicked early, and despite a three hour freak-fest in the wee hours, I actually got 10 full hours of sleep. Ten. And the next day I was literally skipping in the supermarket. Not metaphorically. I know the difference. Literally skipping. Beaming. Silly.
    I miss sleep like I miss nothing else. And, as you say, love it like I love nothing else. So sad sleep and I seem to be legally separated…

  13. How lush and truthful. I feel so romantic and lost now….

  14. Perfect post. You really know how to milk a double-entendre! I love it. And I’m with you on loving sleep. No beauty regime in the world compares with 8 hours of sleep.

  15. HEY! BACK OFF!!! I’ve been stalking sleep for NINE YEARS!

    But when it comes down to it, this loving epistle is going to coax sweet sleep much better than my death threats.


  16. Pingback: A Letter To My Body In Its 40th Year — Momalom

  17. Jen

    I read this ages ago. And I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I am so tired. I crave sleep. I am desperate for sleep. I am giddy with the idea that I may get sleep. Sigh.
    Will I always be so tired?
    Thank you for writing so beautifully about such a reality.

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  19. Loved, loved, loved that!

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