3:15 am. I hear a familiar cry. Familiar in its cry, yet unfamiliar in its urgency. I don’t even flip on the baby monitor to decide whether to make the trek down the hall or wait patiently for him to put himself back to sleep. I know. He needs me. I enter his quiet room, the faint glow from his nightlight forces my eyes to squint and I make out his small body with arms reaching toward me. I feel the heat radiating from him before my hands even touch him. And when I do gather him in my arms, the heat warms my chilled body immediately.
Luke points to the door, wanting out, wanting something. Something to make his aching body feel better from the fever that has flushed his body from head to toe. I lay him on his changing table and peel the way too hot feetie pajamas from his body. I feel some heat escape into the air and I put my cool hand on his hot belly. I take his temperature not surprised to read 102.7. I pour a dose of Tylenol to relieve the aches and he gulps it as I hope it works its magic quickly.
And then we sit. I raise his shade slightly so we can both see the blackness out his window with the stars shining in the peaceful sky from his comfy gliding chair. I hear his soft breath in my ear. I smell his baby scent as his head rests on mine. His little fingers cling to my wrist as we rock back and forth, back and forth. A perfect, quiet rhythm. I hate that he’s sick. I am sad that he aches. But I’m loving the moment. I’m loving him with all of me. So few moments of the day is he quiet. Is he not moving. Is he almost one with me. So I’ll take it. Fever, chills, aches and all, I’ll hold onto this moment and enjoy the good in the not so good.
I promised myself to enjoy more moments. To realize these moments and appreciate them. And so I did. And tonight, after only 4 hours of sleep last night and a day spent with two fever-y little kids who stayed in their pajamas right through until bedtime tonight, I’m still appreciating the hour I spent last night with Luke. And I have to say, as much as I need a good night sleep tonight, I would be ok if he needed me again at 3:00 tonight.