Finding the Good

3:15 am.  I hear a familiar cry.  Familiar in its cry, yet unfamiliar in its urgency.  I don’t even flip on the baby monitor to decide whether to make the trek down the hall or wait patiently for him to put himself back to sleep.  I know.  He needs me.  I enter his quiet room, the faint glow from his nightlight forces my eyes to squint and I make out his small body with arms reaching toward me.  I feel the heat radiating from him before my hands even touch him.  And when I do gather him in my arms, the heat warms my chilled body immediately.

Luke points to the door, wanting out, wanting something.  Something to make his aching body feel better from the fever that has flushed his body from head to toe.  I lay him on his changing table and peel the way too hot feetie pajamas from his body.  I feel some heat escape into the air and I put my cool hand on his hot belly.  I take his temperature not surprised to read 102.7.  I pour a dose of Tylenol to relieve the aches and he gulps it as I hope it works its magic quickly.

And then we sit.  I raise his shade slightly so we can both see the blackness out his window with the stars shining in the peaceful sky from his comfy gliding chair.  I hear his soft breath in my ear.  I smell his baby scent as his head rests on mine.  His little fingers cling to my wrist as we rock back and forth, back and forth.  A perfect, quiet rhythm.  I hate that he’s sick.  I am sad that he aches.  But I’m loving the moment.  I’m loving him with all of me.  So few moments of the day is he quiet.  Is he not moving.  Is he almost one with me.  So I’ll take it.  Fever, chills, aches and all, I’ll hold onto this moment and enjoy the good in the not so good.

I promised myself to enjoy more moments.  To realize these moments and appreciate them.  And so I did.  And tonight, after only 4 hours of sleep last night and a day spent with two fever-y little kids who stayed in their pajamas right through until bedtime tonight, I’m still appreciating the hour I spent last night with Luke.  And I have to say, as much as I need a good night sleep tonight, I would be ok if he needed me again at 3:00 tonight.



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17 responses to “Finding the Good

  1. crnnoel

    You know we’ve been sick over here… and I still treasure the moments when they’re still. Which mostly happens when they’re sick 😉
    Hope the kids feel better soon, and there’s some rest in store for you tonight!

  2. Here’s hoping that you all get exactly what you need tonight.

  3. Good attitude, Mama. Far too quickly all they will want when they are sick is the remote. I miss those days of their little bodies melting into mine, comfort in my arms.

  4. lz

    I agree – great attitude! I try so hard to remind myself to enjoy the midnight cuddles, but I don’t always succeed.
    I hope he feels better and you get some rest tonight!

  5. Sick here too, but not so much that they’re sweet :p You should definitely read NaptimeWriting’s recent post. You’ll love it.

  6. Nicki

    Here’s hoping you all get well soon!

  7. Lovely. This is what it is all about. Hope you are all on the mend soon.

  8. Oh, how this post spoke to me. IEP is always on the move. Not a sitter or a snuggler. And so, while I hate to see him sick or hurt, they are some of the only times when wrapped up in my arms is where he wants to be. Mothering is such sweet stuff. And no matter how many of these moments come our way, we will always yearn for more.

    Thanks for this lovely post.

  9. It is good to be the mom and to be the one who can magically soothe all hurts, the one who can make even sickness bearable!

  10. Those midnight moments are undoubtedly precious and needed. In the constant motion of our daily living, it seems we too often forget to enjoy those little moments.

    Becca, you are such a sweet mommy. Thanks for reminding me to treasure these times!

  11. I always appreciated the late night calls when I *knew* there was no choice. It wasn’t a “are you overparenting” or “are they manipulating you” moment. Sick kids need love. And watching the stars while the fever goes down is never the wrong choice. And lack of sleep or not, those clear choices make the rest of the day possible, at least for me.
    Sweet story. Thanks.

  12. I know exactly what you mean. It’s instinctive, I think, that mothering/nursing thing.

  13. So Sweet. I am sorry your little guy isn’t feeling well, but I love how you are taking in the moment. Something we all need to do more often! Thanks.

    PS. I left an award for you at my place!

  14. I can feel his fever going down just in reading this. He must have felt so good as you relieved him of his pains and fears and rocked him and made him understand everything is ok. What a wonderful, loving Mommie!

  15. Jen and I both agree that a kid with a low-grade fever is a great companion. When the fever is high you get worried. When it’s just high enough you get to snuggle without being too worried, you get to sit with them all wrapped up and watch a favorite movie, or rock them like you did when they were 3 weeks old. Oh the moments to cherish.

  16. Liz

    Oh, I HATE when they’re sick. It makes me so sad and anxious. That heat…you described it so vividly…it is so stressful. But I do know that feeling of gratitude, that you can sit and he will sit and just stay and be with you and you can comfort and love….

  17. I hate nothing more than when either of my children have a fever, but the snuggles really are awesome when they are sick, as long as we know it’s just a virus and the fever is not too high! It’s true that we should remember and cherish the moments that we have right now with our children, watching them sleep, cuddled with us, etc. They grow up way to fast! Great post… and I love the new look, if I haven’t told you already!

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