Not so crafty

I am afraid of 4 year olds. There. I’ve said it. And I’m not just talking about the four year old in the shape of my daughter. I’m talking about all of them. It’s the only explanation that I have for the fear I’m feeling tonight as I prepare for the project I’m doing with Hannah’s class tomorrow. All the “good” moms do a project with the class and I’ve always rolled my eyes when Hannah skips through the door holding her new foam/string/sparkly butterfly (“I learned the entire life cycle of a butterfly mommy!” blahdiblahdiblah) or a piece of paper with little colorful shapes taped to it (whoopdidoo – a TANGRAM!), or a decorated plastic jar with pretend bugs in it (that I still find scattered about my house and scare the crap out of me). I have cringed when she told me “Henry’s mommy read us a book in class” or “Alexander’s daddy is a fireman and he came in and told us how he can walk through fire”. I just wasn’t up to the challenge.
But this year, she actually asked me to come to her class to do “something”. I asked her what she thinks I should do. Her response? “I don’t know mommy, I’m sure we can find SOMETHING you are good at”. Gee. Thanks. “Maybe you could sing a song to the class mommy, you’re good at singing”. She has low standards for singing apparently so I declined that offer. “Maybe you could teach a dance to the class?” I wondered if something along the lines of the Electric Slide was what she had in mind. Also a no go.

But I told myself that I had to find SOMETHING. As Halloween started approaching I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to do a craft with the class. My original idea was to have the class paint a pumpkin, no instructions, no rules, just paint. Then I realized I’d have to buy 20 pumpkins for the class and even worse, CARRY 20 pumpkins into the class. Our little red wagon wouldn’t even do the trick there. I went on line and searched “Halloween kids crafts” and it was as if the clouds parted in the sky! Dozens upon dozens of crafts to choose from! People actually write blogs about these types of crafts! Who knew? (And the authors of those blogs probably similarly say, “people actually write blogs about their ridiculous lives as mommies!”). I chose the construction paper spider bracelet craft.

I even tested it out on Hannah to make sure she could do it without getting too frustrated. Success. But I’m still terrified. What if they’re bored? What if they think it’s lame? What if I notice some of them whispering to each other while I’m giving the instructions? I’ll surely feel they’re talking about me and my lame-ass spider project.
So, I’m bringing goodies too. If they’re bored with the spider bracelet sugar should do the trick! I read on someone’s blog (which I can’t give credit too because for the life of me I can’t remember whose blog it was) about these awesome halloween cupcakes. She did such an amazing job with them… and I thought, I. Can. Do. That! Mind you, I am NOT a crafty, Martha Stewart type. I always have this amazing vision in my head for what I want something to look like and when it’s done. I usually have to confess that it was my 4 year old who did it. That vision never gets translated into a finished project I’m happy with. I can’t draw (not even a stick figure looks right), I can’t paint, I just can’t go from brain to reality. (I can however put a damn good outfit together). So when I saw these cupcakes and thought, all I need to do is copy them, I thought I was in luck. I spent 2 hours on them today. Hunched over the counter, squeezing frosting out of tubes with my arthritic fingers in pain and now, I’m tempted to not post the pictures. But then I realized, people need to see that not EVERYONE posts the success stories. Not EVERYONE ends up with a perfect product. Some people suck at this type stuff and it’s OK. And those of you who DO end up with a perfect product? Hold your comments… it’s hard to admit I’m not perfect at EVERYTHING! So here they are.

There’s a spider, a ghost and a mummy. Yes, a mummy. Those are 2 little yellow eyes poking out. Not sure what went wrong there… nothing like the adorable, perfectly wrapped mummy I copied to make it. I’m wondering if I’ll have to tell the teachers that Hannah made them. Hannah at least knew what they were (except the mummy which she thought was “a mess of stars”).

When I showed Tim he said they look sad. That went over well. I told him his mom even liked them (she’s the “ubercreative” type) and he said, “you could fart and my mom would like it”. That also went over well (and Barbara if you’re reading this you can feel free to tell him he’s mistaken).
I’m taking deep breaths tonight. Hoping the 4 year olds go home proudly wearing their new spider bracelets and with chocolate on their mouths. Hoping that the other moms will roll their eyes this time at me.


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2 responses to “Not so crafty

  1. Headless Mom

    I'm not crafty either. Last year I did, however make the cutest ghost pudding/coolwhip cups. Hey, 1 in 13 years should count for something, right?

  2. LZ @ My Messy Paradise

    These are all great! Luckily our school only asks us to come in and read. I can do that. I can't do anything else. There is a community playgroup that I thought of joining, but saw that I'd have to lead a craft once a month. I decided against joining. Lame, I know. But you may have inspired me to try!

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