She didn’t know what she was in for. My Ob/Gyn that is. Here she thought she was just walking in to another patient, was going to put the feet into the stirrups, examine the vajay jay and that would be it. On to the next vajay-jay. Not so fast. She didn’t know that this was one of my only times “out” during the week without my kids in tow. Yes, I get out for tennis once a week but I’m busy actually playing tennis, not talking to other civilized adults. THIS was an escape where someone was going to ask me how I’m doing in a room with NO ONE else around. And I had a lot to say! This was the woman who removed my two kids from my uterus (after first cutting me open and moving my other organs around as Tim describes it) and assumably she should be curious about how these two kids and I are doing. Who would have thought a visit to the gynie would be the most exciting activity of the week! Plus, they have free valet parking at the office (mostly for the pregnant ladies but I take full advantage) which added to the thrill.
The doc walked into the room, asked me how I was doing (I tried to ignore the fact that she didn’t sincerely seem interested) and I just let it go. I paid a $25 copay and I was going to make it Worth My While! I was in a comfy little red robe with my feet lifted above my waist, no one was going to tell me what I could or couldn’t say! I rattled off a few funny little quips about Hannah, told her Luke was a blonde and that I feel they messed up the petrie dishes when they transplanted him into me since he in no way could possibly be MY child with those blonde locks. I told her about my sore joints, lack of “Flo” and my headaches. I told her this motherhood thing is HARD and I’m considering going back to work in some capacity. I just rattled on and on and on. I’m not sure I took a breath, just kept talking. And she nodded and laughed and added her own quips here and there and waited to do the uncomfortable stuff until I was done rattling.
I guess I kind of forgot why I was actually there because when she told me I should go for a bone scan to be sure I’m not showing early signs of osteoperosis, and that I needed to have blood taken to measure my hormone level to be sure I wasn’t in early menopause, and that I should go for a head CAT scan to rule out anything horrendous to account for my headaches, I just stared at her. I stared at her like you stare at a great friend who just sucker punched you for no apparent reason. “Come again?”, I may have said aloud. She was just supposed to LISTEN, not scare the crap out of me!
Needless to say, I’m a little shaken by all of this. I’m sure everything will be fine (because I can’t bare to imagine it any other way) but I’m not the type who “checks things out”. I suck it up and deal with pain (if you recall, Tim has to tell me 7 times to take tylenol for a headache). I assume bad things won’t happen to me and don’t want to hear otherwise. I don’t have time in my world for anything otherwise. It won’t be ok if I can’t ski/play ball/wrestle/run with my kids in a few years because I have osteoperosis. I’m not ready to hear that I can’t have any more kids (even though there’s no way I’d want another and not getting my period ever again is fine with me!). It won’t fit into my routine if I have something wrong with my BRAIN. So, we’ll just assume my Ob/Gyn “friend” is overcautious, ok? Ok.