It’s in the "Jeans"

The picture you see here was the last time that Hannah wore jeans. The minute that she learned to walk she started refusing to wear them. Or anything with a button and a zipper on top for that matter. She aged about 75 years at that point and would ONLY wear pull on pants with a stretchy top. The others she told me were too itchy, too tight, too uncomfortable. She also refused to wear tights (didn’t like pants that covered her feet), empire waist dresses (the line above her belly was uncomfortable), 3/4 sleeve tops (the sleeves were broken) or boots (couldn’t move her ankles). So, you can see what I was dealing with here. High maintenance at its best. But it was ok… leggings and long tops have been a good look for a few years now and leggings are much cheaper than jeans anyway.

Fast forward three and a half years. We were shopping for some new school clothes since somehow Hannah grew 2 inches over the summer and all of her pants became capris. We were at Target and I asked knowing the answer already, “Hannah, would you like to try some jeans this year?”. I was already yards past the jeans section when I heard a quiet, “ok.” I stopped abruptly in my steps and turned to her a few feet back eyeing lovingly a pair of jeans with embroidered rainbows on the front pockets, hearts on the back pockets and a multi-colored heart belt. Embellishment at its best. These were NOT the jeans I had imagined but to a 4.5 year old, they were as good as seeing a real-life Unicorn walking down the street.
“Really Hannah? You want to try them?”
“Oh, they are so beautiful Mommy. Maybe they won’t be itchy.”
I grabbed another less “fussy” pair of jeans with a cool little swish on the back pocket and into the fitting room we marched.
She pulled them on, did the belt and they fit. And they were comfortable. And she caressed them adoringly. And a new denim wearing era began. And she all of a sudden looked and ACTED, well, old. (Not to mention the fact that when she crouches down her butt hangs out and although I giggle because it looks so cute, I picture a thong peeking out and cringe).
Something about wearing jeans has brought out a new “I’m a big shot, don’t mess with me” attitude in Hannah. She now walks with a new swagger, stands with one hip out and with a hand in a pocket, and talks to me like she’s got the hippest new pair of denim out there. I mean if you’re anything like me, you KNOW how a cool new pair of jeans makes you feel. And if you’re not like me, stop rolling your eyes at me and work with me and PRETEND you know what I’m saying. This morning after pulling on her jeans and leaving her pajamas on the floor I asked her to please pick them up and put them in her hamper.
“MO-mmy” she muttered exasperated. “You know, you have to help out around here too” she said.
“Excuse me?” I said, after picking myself up off the floor from her comment knocking the wind right out of me.
“You’re the mommy. You need to be BUSY all the time. I can’t be the one picking things up all the time.” she said with a slight smile across her face and a bit of a worried look in her eye that she was crossing the line. Which she was.
I picked her denim covered self up and placed her denim covered tush on the naughty step. “Sit and don’t move one muscle, Miss Sassy”, I warned her.
“I was just saying” I heard her saying under her breath as I walked away to be “busy” with something else.
Then on the drive to school today she announced that she’s “taken her last bath”. I gasped as I thought I was now going to have the stinky girl in class as my daughter. I wondered who put the idea in her head that not showering was a good idea? Was she doing some sort of “sit in” where she wouldn’t cleanse until I allowed chocolate milk with each meal? I braced myself as I looked at her in the rear view mirror and asked, “why is that sweetie?”.
A feeling of relief rushed over me for a moment as she said, “I think baths are for babies. I now will ONLY take showers”. I then pictured what this meant for me. I had three choices with showers. 1) Shower with her so that I could be sure she was actually clean and was able to get all of the soap out of her hair or 2) Get soaking wet reaching into the shower to help her or 3) let her do it alone and know that her hair would remain stiff from soap not being rinsed out and not know if she even washed most parts of her body. Choice 1 actually seemed like the best idea since then I would actually get to shower more than I do currently, although I’d have a little person staring right into my Las Vegas and commenting about every aspect of it. But is a 4 year old supposed to be showering? Aren’t baths still supposed to be fun? I’ll blame it on the jeans.
I’m not ready to have a sassy speaking, showering, eye rolling tike on my hands. I want my pudgy faced, cow costume wearing, can’t get enough of mommy baby girl around still. Maybe I need to secretly remove the jeans from her drawer and buy some more pull on pants which keeps her tush and herself in their place.

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