I’m realizing I have gotten off track with my lists… here I’ve been ranting and raving on this and that, and I’m sure many of you are wondering, “where’s the list? What happened to the list”. It’s like if David Letterman all of a sudden started giving a sermon about what was on his mind and just forgoed (is there a past tense of forego? Maybe forgot? Forgew?) his top ten list. I bet there’d be some mighty disappointed fans out there, no? And yes, I do think as many people are fans of my blog as of David Letterman’s top ten list so quit the eye-rolls ok?
So here it comes, ready?
Things that have recently rendered me speechless
– The (rather large – not that I’m judging) woman at the beach who went to pull off her (slightly too tight- again not judging) jeans shorts only to also completely pull off her bikini bottom. Sadly (for all parties involved) she didn’t realize quite fast enough that this had happened and stood there bare bottomed Far Too Long. Still trying to get the image out of my head.
– Hannah asking me (days after I had told her (at her request) what cars I test drove before buying mine and what it was about each of dismissed that made me not buy them), “Mommy, can you please tell me again what it was about the OWdee that made you feel it wouldn’t be reliable?” This was in front of my brother and his kids who looked at me like I had lost my head talking about brands of cars with a 4 year old. She asked! Was I to ignore her?
– Hannah explaining to her friend today that she has a FurGiney and he has a PeeeNIS. Yes she knows brand names for cars but not the proper anatomical names for her and other’s body parts. Priorities people.
– When my mom was carrying Hannah over the hot hot sand at the beach and was saying “ow, ow, ow” with each footstep Hannah said to her, “Now nanny, just put it out of your mind and you’ll be just fine! Think Happy Thoughts”. I think my daughter is 40.
– When I was interviewing a new babysitter yesterday my usually well behaved (at least in front of strangers) daughter became Miss “I’m the Shit” and copped a serious attitude on me. When I asked her what was bothering her (in my calm be-nice-I-don’t-want-to-scare-off-the-prospective-help voice), she said with hands on her hips, “Mommy, I’ve told you a HUNDRED times, I’m SICK of Luke always taking my STUFF!”. I was lucky the daggers that came shooting from my eyes didn’t strike the sitter as she sat witness to these shenanigans.
– As I left Luke in his crib tonight, he sat up and said, “Ba BA Boo Ba Ba”. For Real! I’m not making it up! Isn’t that amazing from a 15 month old? What do you mean you don’t know what all the fuss is about? Isn’t it clear that he was trying to say, “I love you Ma Ma?”.
– After telling Hannah in specific detail all about my sleep away camp, and at the end asking her if when she’s 9 she’d like to go, she started hysterically crying. I felt awful that she was thinking I was trying to get rid of her and was sure she’d say, “why do I have to go away from you for the summer”. But instead, when she finally caught her breath she said, “WHY do I have to wait until I’m NINE???”.
– When my phone chirped yesterday Hannah picked it up, handed it to me and said, “You got a tweet”.
– I was cleaning up my house a bit yesterday before Prospective Babysitter arrived and Hannah said, “that’s good mommy, we want her to think you’re a neat person when she comes”.
– I was peaking through the crack of the bathroom stall at Hannah and her friend who were taking turns pooping. He was obviously having a harder time and when he finally went she shouted, “Good Job Max! High Five!” My daughter, always the cheerleader.
And so it goes…