You know that feeling when you seriously are too tired to even think? When keeping your eyes open is a chore and you are pretty convinced when you’re driving that if you just rested your eyes, just for a second, it would feel so good and then you jerk awake having possibly just fallen asleep at the red light? It’s that feeling where every teeny tiny little nothing issue becomes a tremendous, life altering, world is ending problem. That feeling where you think everything someone says to you you think is a dig or a poke and you twist it around in your head so that you are pretty sure that person is evil and you don’t know why you were friends with them in the first place. That feeling where every chance you get you imagine and dream about being able to just lie down under the covers with your head on a cold pillow. Nothing. Sounds. Better. THIS is how I felt all day today. I’ve been up since 3:00 this morning. Up with what seemed like a terrorized, screaming little boy (but actually just a boy who had had enough of being alone in his dark room). It’s now 8:47 and every few words I type, I close my eyes just to rest. I’ve already jumped down Tim’s throat three times in the seventeen minutes he’s been home from work and I the words, “YOU’RE NOT BEING NICE TO ME!” came (make that screamed) out of MY mouth to my 4 year old (that was effective I’m sure).
This morning at 10:30, after I had been up since 3:00 (take note, the hours between 3-10:30 is actually very close to an ENTIRE work day) I played 2 hours of tennis. Yes, I decided that I should run around with a stick in my hand and try to aim a ball into a square many yards away from me. In about 100% humidity. I just knew a nap wasn’t going to happen, and at least I’d only have to deal with my own temperament (geesh- that took me like 32 times to spell that right!), not my kids’. I told the first two ladies who showed up at tennis that I had been up since 3:00 and then remembered (after receiving some blank stares) that these ladies, how do I say this, well, just don’t care. They are there to play tennis. They have teenage (or older kids) and don’t feel like dragging out the horrible memories of when their kids woke them up at crazy hours of the night. For. No. Reason. They now actually WAIT up for their kids to come home from wherever they’ve been cruising around for most of the night so my complaint just doesn’t resonate. That’s fine… I wasn’t much in the mood for socializing anyway.
After tennis I put the One Who Caused the Sleeplessness to bed for a nap and told Hannah, “guess what sweetie? It’s your lucky day! You get to watch TV in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY!”. Yes, I’m one of those who tries to limit the TV to morning and night (morning can stretch on and on at times and when night begins is up for discussion) but anyway… She looked at me and, I’m not kidding, says, “I don’t think I’m really in the mood to watch TV today mommy. I’d rather play. With. You.”
Cue very confused, look of disbelief from me. What had she just said? No TV? “No Hannah, actually, you MUST watch TV. Or you can play by yourself. Quietly. Without Me.” I just couldn’t believe this was happening.
Eventually, I convinced her to snuggle into my bed with me and Sleeping Beauty. But 15 minutes later, “Mommy, I’m done resting. I’m bored and want to go downstairs. With. You.” And then she added, “Looks like I’m just not going to let you rest today am I?”.
So that was that. No nap. Scratch that. SHE actually fell asleep on the couch two hours later as I was reading a book to her and JUST as Luke was making his standing appearance on the video monitor. One day, I will figure out how to get them to sleep at the same time. It’s on one of my lists.
And now, here I am. 9:04. 18 hours I’ve been awake. I’m sure I’ll reread this post tomorrow and wish I hadn’t published it. But I know you’ve all been there, bleary eyed, teary eyed and hopeful that it won’t happen again tonight.