Tim thinks I worry to much. I just say I wonder a lot. Tim thinks I get stressed too easily. I think he might be right. I wish I wasn’t one of those people who gets worked up over little things. I try to relax and just go with the flow but I guess it’s just not in my genes. For someone with such a disorganized house (MY fault, not Tim’s) you’d think I wouldn’t care so much about “order”. But even if you can’t see “order” when you walk into my house, the behind the scenes operations run like a very well greased machine. Don’t mess with my machine… it’s held together nicely with duct tape and string but could fall apart pretty easily if pushed or pulled the wrong way. And then we’d all be in trouble. Ok – where am I going with this… my list of today has to do with what’s behind Me “the stress-ball”
Things that get me all worked up
– Tardiness. (Don’t you just love the word tardy – I don’t think I’d used it, or even heard it, since grade-school until recently and I just feel so PROPER using it.) There is NOTHING about lateness that I can stand. I despise being late, feeling like I’m going to be late and other people being late. Therefore, I am most often the first person to arrive places, am always early and tapping my fingers by the time others arrive and usually leave my starting point way earlier than necessary. I don’t know what it is, but I just like to be on time. I’d prefer perusing the duty free airport shops than be sprinting through the terminal yelling “HOLD THE PLANE!” And I KNOW I am turning little Hannah into an early bird too since she’s always asking me, “we aren’t going to be late are we mommy?”.
– People not being quiet when my kids are sleeping. I recall reading when my kids were first born to make lots of noise so that they’d get used to the noise and therefore become very sound sleepers. Tim and I did just that. We stomped around, shouted boisterously, didn’t quiet the dog down when she barked at the air, held raging parties, played our tubas in the house, sang gaily along with American Idol, etc. It. Didn’t. Work. Both of my kids wake up to the sound of a sniffle on the other side of the house. It’s painful. I am the quietest walker on earth and I can’t expect others to tread so lightly, but for-god-sakes, can’t they try? Between my last cleaning lady who dropped her mop at least 7 times a visit (she’s since been fired), the mailman who I think rings our doorbell just for kicks, any service person who comes to our house and doesn’t have a volume dial on their voice, the lawnmower men who have such NOISY lawn mowers and leaf blowers, and our neighbors who actually think it’s OK for their kids to play outside during NAP TIME, I become a complete nut case. I need, no make that CHERISH, my kids’ nap times. Anything to disturb it is inexcusable.
– I am a hypochondriac. I know it’s terrible, but I am one of those people who diagnoses herself by Google. I search all of my symptoms and by end of day, I know what is wrong with me and how long I have to live. I become a complete luny when it comes to my ailments. I never used to be like this, but ever since Hannah was born I have lost all sense of reality when it comes to why I have certain symptoms. I guess I feel my kids need me around… Brain Tumor is my most common diagnosis for myself. I tend to get a lot of headaches (wonder why?) and at the top of list of reasons why you may have a headache (ok, maybe it’s reason 7 or 8 but STILL) is brain tumor. Just an FYI, if you want to steer clear of totally freaking yourself out, don’t type into Google, “headache for 8 days”… it will send you straight to the grave.
– My untrainable dog. She poops in the house when she’s nervous. She has the SMALLEST bladder on the face of the earth and pees when she gets excited. She barks at the wind. She growls at me in bed if I’m taking up too much space. She bares her teeth at anyone walking down the street. She eats the kids toys (to the point that you can’t even recognize what toy it used to be). She whines at me while I eat. She makes Hannah’s eyes all red, puffy and itchy. Oh, but I DO love her. She just makes me totally and completely nuts and I have a hard time bitching about her because I’M the one who convinced Tim to get her.
– A slow computer. To think I went through highschool and college without the internet (no all you YOUNG folk, it’s not that I didn’t HAVE the internet, it just WASN’T INVENTED yet!). Because now, if I have to wait longer than like, a second for a page to load up or to open an attachment, I start to yell. Yell at the computer and anyone else who happens to be around to hear. I find technological problems a complete waste of time and totally infuriating. Must go along with the tardiness thing. And calling the “help desk”, wherever in the world that might be, makes me even more infuriated because a) they speak to me like I have no idea how to even turn the computer on or off b) I ALWAYS manage to disconnect myself from them and then have to start the entire bitch session from the start and c) my house security alarm is connected to the phone line which is connected to the modem so when I am told to “turn off the modem” my house alarm starts SCREAMING causing either Luke to wake up (see my second point above) from a nap (because it’s the only time I can make these calls) or Bella to run around in crazy circles peeing all over herself (see my last point above). Ah the joys of modern day technology.
– Hannah’s life-stage. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about Hannah. I don’t need to preface this point with how much I adore her (ok, I just did). I mean really, truly ADORE her. So, since you know that, I can go on to say that this stage she’s going through is VERY tough on me. All 4.5 year olds might go through it but they don’t all have me as a mom and I’m not dealing well. Maybe it’s MY life-stage, not hers. Who knows. She is so amazing some days especially with Luke. The days that I watch her playing with him and can’t believe how grown up she seems, how helpful and caring she is and I think, “ah, the raging tantrum stage must be over” and then it all comes to a screeching halt and that hysterical girl is back. And I’m left wondering what happened. What caused it? What can I do differently. And then I remember… she’s 4. She’s testing me. Feeling out those boundaries that I’m still figuring out how to set. And it will all end. Soon.
So do I stress too much? There are only six items on my list so that can’t be SO bad…