Yesterday, when I was at the grocery store there was a woman who literally was having an entire conversation out loud with herself. I looked to be sure there was no child hidden under the groceries in her cart or that she had a bluetooth headset behind her ear and there was not. She was simply, talking to herself. I think we moms may do this more than we realize. Just like I find myself pushing my cart back and forth, back and forth when I’m alone and standing still as if I’m lulling Luke to sleep in his stroller, we also mutter to ourselves since we’re so used to always “discussing” things with our kids. This woman made me wonder what comes out of my mouth when I’m alone. So, for the past day, I tried really hard to take note of my thoughts throughout the day to see what it is I think about if not say, when no one is around. I won’t bore you with all the details but here were the trends:
1. “Are you serious??” and “Seriously?” I’ll group together as the most common thoughts that went through my head and most often came out of my mouth. Anything from a fellow driver driving too slow (at least for my lead foot) in front of me, to Luke wiping all of his peas in his hair (see picture), to clicking on Luke’s monitor only to see that he STILL wasn’t napping but instead playing peekaboo with himself, to noticing that I had eye makeup smeared under both eyes when I GOT BACK from the playground all incurred this little statement.
2. “mother “f***ering f*****” was right up there as well. One expletive wasn’t enough I guess… this thought flitted through my head when I realized while carrying Luke and all of the groceries that I didn’t have the keys to my house in my hand and had to put all 12 bags and Luke down on the sopping wet rained on ground to get them out of my purse. I also seem to think/say this when I bend over or twist in such away that I’m reminded by the shooting pain I get in my lower back that Luke is too big to not be walking. Surprisingly this phrase is also thought for little not-such-big-deal things like not being able to find the dried apple rings with the rest of the dried fruit in the grocery store or not being able to find any matching socks in any of our sock drawers. I may need anger management to deal with this one.
3. “I’m just sayin’ “. I think I picked this one up from Twitter or reading other blogs because it was not something I said until recently, and now I’m quite fond of it. It’s much more impactful with a little finger wag to go along with it to really get the point across which probably gets me some good looks from strangers when they see me wagging my finger at no one, but when someone does something truly ridiculous without thinking first, it warrants this little ditty.
4. “I’m so tired I could throw up”. No explanation needed here. I say it 10-12 times a day and will blame my 5:00 am rising drama queen daughter and face-planting prone, adventure seeking son.
5. “Becca is….” for some reason, throughout the day I am always thinking about what my next facebook status update should be. I think far too often in the third person. Anyone else?
6. “niiiiiice” This is usually my thought when I see the dark circles under my eyes, my mess of hair on top of my head, my unshaven legs and the under arm jiggle I seem to all of a sudden be sporting. Although numbers 1 and 2 could certainly apply here too.
7. “Ahhhhhh”… this one was not uttered too often but warrants mentioning since maybe once a day it floated across my head and out my mouth. Things like peeing alone in the bathroom, showering (maybe not once a day but most likely once a week), when both kids are finally asleep (for real asleep not wandering through the halls upstairs, asking for drinks of water, or waiting to be “checked on” asleep) and my glass of wine is in my hand, or when it’s 6:00 Saturday morning and there is someone lying next to me who I can (lovingly) kick and say, “can you take them downstairs” and I roll over and go Back. To. Sleep.