Do you hear it? The quiet? I’m sitting here in my dimly lit office. Alone. The kids are asleep. Tucked in and peaceful. Hannah’s Ellie under her arm. Luke’s blanket corner in his mouth. Rooms are dark. The hallway is dark. It’s silent.
I never would have thought ten years ago I’d enjoy the Nothing so much. No music. No TV. No footsteps under, above or around me. No questions. No comments. No chit chat. Nothing. Only the tapping of the keys and the buzz of the printer break the silence. It’s so calming. So refreshing. So rejuvenating. So delicious.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not being alone I crave. My husband is actually sitting beside me. He pulled a chair in to this small space to sit with me. To be with me after being apart all day. But he knows. I need the quiet time. After the evening chaos of dinner time and bedtime. The routine of shouting to do homework, finish dinner, put toys away, get into bed, turn off lights and Go. To. Sleep. I need this. This time without any words. Only “being”. Time for me.
It’s so rare that I feel I can just BE. It’s one of the biggest changes I’ve found since becoming a mother. I recall laying in Central Park in the early 2000′s on many lazy Saturdays. Newly married. Happy at work. Satisfied with how life was going and where it was going. I’d lie with my rollerblades on my feet after a long blade around the park. My legs were itchy from the grass below me but I soaked in the sun, felt the breeze and listened to the buzz of New York City above me. Surrounding me. Energizing me. Yes, I had worries. Life wasn’t simple but it was mine. I could just be.
Now there are words coming at me from all directions. From my kids learning how to really USE their words. Sometimes use them as weapons against me. Sometimes to test me, push me, question me. And love me. Words swim in my head. Constantly. At all moments I hear my own words, my husband’s words, my parent’s words, friends’ words. Pulling at me. Pushing me. Challenging me.
I like the quiet. I like Tim’s hand brushing through my hair. I like the air kiss he just gave me. But I love the quiet.
This post was a part of Momalom’s 5for5 blog extravaganza. Today’s prompt was “Words”. I love Momalom. Go visit. I promise you’ll love them too.