This Place

It’s been a year.  A year since I cracked this slim white laptop open, took a deep breath and started to tap my fingers about my life on these keys.

I’m not sure what I was looking for.  What I hoped this blog would bring to my life. I think it started because I enjoyed writing my Facebook status updates and making people laugh.  I enjoyed getting emails from my friends on Facebook telling me they never knew I was funny.  I was flattered and decided to give being funny a chance in a broader format.

But then I realized that a) I wasn’t all that funny and b) I was tired of trying to be funny.  I almost just stopped. Quit.

But I also realized that I liked to write.  A lot.  Who knew?

I had begun reading dozens of other blogs written by fantastic writers.  Some writers were hysterical, some were able to weave words into pure art, and some wrote with such grace, such honesty, such emotion that I truly felt moved. I wanted to be able to do That. I had so much in MY head.  So much I yearned to get out but didn’t feel quite brave enough to have this place be they’re home.  Because I was afraid the words would come out as they are in my head.  A jumbled mess.

But I gave it a shot. And with a few early friends cheering me on, the connections were born.

I’m still asked weekly why I write this blog. Why I care to have strangers read what is going on in my life. Why I care about other stranger’s lives.  I get funny looks when I refer to you guys as my friends.  My husband gets suspicious when I mention wanting to get together with any of you.  People say things like, “Oh, it must get lonely at home all day with your kids.  That must be why you do this.”

And yes, that may be a reason I STARTED doing this.  But it is NOT the reason I keep it up.  I keep it up because I am a happier person with this place.  I am a better mother. I am more secure. I have more confidence. I feel a “part” of something.  And I’m so tired of defending it and explaining it.

The one thing that has been the biggest eye opener since starting this blog in May 2009 is the following:

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING

My world has gotten so much BIGGER having all of you in it.  I read maybe 60 blogs a week and know anything from a tid-bit about your lives to feeling like I know some of you inside and out.  And I’ve come to realize on days that I feel like my life is crumbling that ALL of you also have Something that makes you feel the same way.

You’ve lost parents. You’ve worried about sick children. You’ve had medical scares and illnesses. You’re overcoming addictions and disorders. You have pasts you regret and futures you fear. You have moments of despair and faults you can’t forgive.  You have old loves who you now hate and also those people you hate to love. You have depression and anxiety. Your houses don’t feel like home and your homes are drowning you with stuff. You’ve felt forlorn and you cry.

So much of this list I write and can say, “me too”.

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING

But everyone also has something that makes you feel !!!. You have pregnancies and newborns. You have new spouses and new loves. You have passion and LUST. You celebrate and entertain. You have children who melt you and friends who hold you high. You have new books and new dreams.  You have careers that fascinate you and hobbies that enlighten you.  You belly laugh and cry tears of joy.

And again, thankfully, Me Too.

This past year I have had my share of medical fears and scares, complete breakdowns and feeling total loss of control.  I’ve dubbed myself a bad mommy. Have worried myself sick. I’ve questioned just about every decision I’ve made as a mom.  But I’ve gotten through All Of It (and celebrated a whole lot of good too). Because of this place (and a little help from my dear husband of course).

This place that I come to each day.  That I spend (and waste) hours of my precious time.  This place that I try to explain to those who probably don’t REALLY want to understand.  This place is My Something.  My place to shed pounds of worry and anxiety. My place to pat myself on the back.  My place where I find comfort in confessing and being the Me that I want to be and that I want You to know.

In a year I’ve made more friends than I have in my lifetime.  Friends that I trust with my life stories.

And from one blog writer to another.  Who gets this place and doesn’t question me.  Just wants to know me.

Thank you.

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26 Comments

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26 responses to “This Place

  1. I get it. Totally. I love the connections I have through blogging. They are amazing and important.

    I just found your blog this last week (through five for ten) and I’m glad that I did.

  2. So well said! I’m tired of defending it as well! Thanks for posting this today.

  3. Happy blogiversary, Becca! Thank you for this piece and for everything you do every day to make this space feel like home to me.

    xoxo

  4. Congrats to you, and thank YOU for being such a great blogger! :)

  5. It was very hard for me to understand, too… Why people would want to bare their souls to complete strangers. But then I started reading blogs – amazing blogs, and I commented, and I even started to write my own posts every now and then. And now I get it. Totally.
    Happy “Bloggiversary”! :-)

  6. It’s the connections, isn’t it? That others “get” us, have been there or are on their way, that we are indeed blessed even when we can’t see that.

    Happy blogaversary!

    And now you’ve made me wonder when mine is, though I’m going on four years tapping away and have never even noted a blogaversary. This year for sure!

  7. I’m new, I’m just getting started with the whole blogging thing, but I can absolutely relate to all that you said. Getting started, almost quitting, making so many connections, and not expecting how much you’d come to like it. Who knew! Always a pleasure to read :)

    Christie

  8. You’re welcome. Welcome for our responses, and interest, and participationg. But more than that, Thank You. Thank you for sharing your life, and family, and loves, and fears with us. Any blogger who is willing to think – really think – about his or her life will always capture my interest. I value that about you and enjoy the time I have spent here. Thanks for being a part of this bloggy wonderland.

    Oh, and happy bloggiversary!

  9. I feel the same way. Happy one year!
    May there be many more.
    xo

  10. And thanks for having us over at your place, your little slice of the Internet. You always leave me feeling welcome and thinking, “Me, too.” =>

  11. Becca: Once again, we are on the same page. I find this so strange. I wrote a similar post today. Not as good as yours.

    I am so glad you are out there. For so many reasons. And I love your writing. You are real and you stories move me.

    Thank you!

  12. I’m so glad you stuck with it!!! It’s been such an honor getting to know YOU.
    And you’re so right about so many things. From one blogger to another – that’s the thing. We all get each other. And knowing that everyone has Something? It is such a huge help in getting through the day.

  13. It’s a good feeling to have established this space as your very own, isn’t it? No questions asked.

    And yes, everyone has something; your list captures that so well. It’s helpful not to be alone when we visit!

  14. Happy blogiversary Becca! For all that you said – Me too!!!

    I loved getting to know your blog this past few weeks, and essentially, getting to know you! Thank you for sharing your life with us. Thank you for being you :)

  15. Happy one year!! YAY!! And I agree that everyone has something. And it’s such a gift to discover what that something is!

  16. So well said Becca. Really. So glad we’ve met here, looking forward to another year ahead. I feel richer for knowing you and can’t wait until it happens in person. Happy 1 year to you!!

  17. Happy Blogversary! One year is quite an accomplishment! My world, for one, is much better for having you in it.

  18. Happy One Year! Isn’t this blogging thing great?

  19. Happy blogiversary Becca!

    I know how you feel about what you create here on a daily basis, the connections, the ability to just be yourself, to unload, unburden and not feel alone in doing it!

    So happy that you are here and that we share so many commonalities!

    Enjoy!

  20. Happy first blogiversary! I’m happy to be on board for year two.

  21. Perfectly put! I just started down this blogging road recently and am continually blown away by the words out there, and the connections created by those words. Who knew? I just wanted to practice writing and already I see that it’s way bigger than that. Bigger than I am.

    Thanks for sharing your somethings!

  22. Congrats on a successful first year!

  23. Super duper – next time someone asks me why I blog, I’ll just point them here :)

  24. Yes, a bigger world. And richer. And friendships we never expected. How cool is that?

    Happy one year, a little belatedly.

  25. Happy birthday! Or anniversary! Or, apparently, blogversary! (See? We learn something new every time we click…) I loved your line about people saying no one knew you were funny. I feel like that all the time — either people didn’t know I was “funny” or, really I didn’t. I still don’t! More often than trying to be funny is when people laugh when I’m trying to be honest. That’s the craziest part about blogging I’ve found (though I’ve been doing it for far less time than you), that when you’re honest, you never know how people will respond. You’re trying to be funny and they take it seriously… or you’re being 100% serious and they think you’re hilarious. It’s such a great audience in that sense, almost like a focus group! But anyway, congrats on your one-year. I’m in awe!

  26. I totally understand and appreciate and am so happy you didn’t just quit. Here’s to more years taking this journey with you!

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